Is there any hope or is the damage done

[markhaving probs]

innis,

I am really sorry to hear what happened at court. Even the thing with your husband's wedding suit was just so unneccessary, cruel and selfish. It seems to me he has moved on and is fast-tracking his way to a new life. This does not mean it is all over by any means if you want to reconcile, but that clearly is not on your H's agenda at the moment. There are strategies and suggestions you can glean from DR, in your case, like mine I went straight to LRT (Last Resort Technique). Please get a copy of the book as soon as you can.

I am sorry to be so blunt but even though my W and I have not gone to court yet, all the other symptoms your H shows are exactly the same as my W - simply WAS behaviour.

The advice given to me and what is finally sinking in after 5 months, is to concentrate on yourself and your daughter. As bluerain said I have gained a great lift from going to the gym or exercising at home if the gym is not possible. You cannot control your H at all, but what you can control is what you do with your life and the life of your daughter. She needs to know you are there for her, support her and tell her you and your H love her both and it is not her fault as my two young children have uttered to me, which was incredibly hurtful and sad.

Your L will do the best for you legally so at least you can control the visitation and maintenance settlement, and as the primary carer you should have the best chance of getting what is required to be able to assist you and your daughter. You will do everything for your daughter, you will need to speak to family/friends - they will help you try and get some clarity.

Can you go to your parents or a close friend(s) for the weekend? It would do you good to get away from the marital home and you would be able to vent with people and it would also help to take your mind of things if you are with other people.

As all LBS's (Left Behind Spouse) experience, our WAS erase their previous existence with us to try and assume it never happened. I went to my house the other day and I saw in the bin our wedding place names, our wedding pin cushion, there were no photographs of us in the house....nothing to suggest I existed. This is one of the most hurtful things I have experienced, but there is nothing I can do the make her see sense.

I am desperately trying to surrender/let go as I read in 'No More Mr Nice Guy'. I have asked for advice on 'dropping the rope' from gucciloafer who has really helped me on this subject and other posters who have chipped in (thank you to them). I do not know whether you want to do this at the moment, but this information is under my Newcomers thread.

It is still very raw for you and we all feel your pain. For fear of repeating myself, try and get away to change the atmosphere, do not initiate any contact with your H unless it pertains to your D and look after yourself and your D.

We are all here for you.

Mark x