OMG! PearlHarbr, you are like the wispering voice in my head that I should be listening to but am somehow always pushing it away. I love the fact that you are so up front. It actually makes the situation be more organized somehow. Like I have a plan. I think that is what you are trying to get me to see.
OK. Honestly, I did not leave the house today. Yes, I know I was supposed to go to Barnes & Noble but never got around to it. I was still doing ok......as I had to talk to people to arrange for my coming up move and the day passed.
I do not have any GAL activities lined up as I will be leaving this place in 2 weeks and then one week at my parents and then I will be at my final destination. I envy him working bc he has an escape and I would be lying if I said I was not looking forward to July 1st, when I start working.
Its funny that you said this, but I started reading a mystery today and have been engrossed in that for awhile......and actually did not check the forum until just now.
My plan for tomorrow will be
1. to get to 7pm! I know I can push myself that much.
2. I will make it to Monday night without calling H. I can set a 3 day goal for not contacting H.
I really needed that swift kick! I am not trying to be controlling........but, when you said that and I thought about it....oh yes I am. I want him to think I am worth fighting for. I want to emotionally try to sway him to me in some way! OH MY!
3. I have heard of people having a book club online.....and I will check that option out tomorrow so that I can belong to a group even when I am mobile.
4. I want my H. I have decided that for the time being and I am willing to go to just about whatever lenghts that is required. I think what I am hearing is that the length that is required is for me to just let him be....Its hard...but, I did say whatever it takes!
I will not talk to my friends about this as it does not make me feel good in the end.
5. I will not pick up his call, if by chance he calls.
6. I will not return email/text ASAP. I will give it a day. H totally did that! I did not even pick up on that!
7. I will go to Barnes & Noble tomorrow, without fail.
I am not sure what activity I would like to do. Things that are out of my relm are: art & dancing (though I have always wanted to learn the salsa). I have always wanted to learn to speak spanish, but have never gotten around to it. I was thinking of getting my hair highlighted....I have not done that in awhile and I always have loved it when I did that.
8. It will be hard to NOT initiate and just wait for him to call. But, when the urge strikes I promise to reread this reply from you PearlHarbr and not react impulsively. I will write and write on this blog if I must.
I feel like you are some beacon of light for me right now....I am trying to not lean on anyone too much.......but, this has been the most amazing way to end my day! It started out and ended with a plan of action. That is what I need. It definately makes me feel better. I did have a bad 5-6 hrs...but, not bad for 2 weeks 2 days into this chaos!
Thank You so much!
There are no words......having read your sitch, I can only imagine how you are getting thru ur chaos and yet ultimately turning it around and becoming strong for yourself.
That is the key in all this. I keep letting myself down.....but, I just have to keep trying and one day, I will hopefully be there when I'm not looking!
