Trying to detach from the madness!

[Startingover2]

Here is my previous thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1767363

This has been a decent morning. I haven't thought about exh and his very twisted life most of the morning. YEAH! Today is also a non visit day which is nice.

My sister asked me why I was so worked up about exh's new stuff (the married woman and also being on a sex hookup site). It was shocking to her to hear, but after she thought about it she wasn't surprised. After everything he has done, nothing should suprise us.

I think I get sad and upset thinking OMG! He had a great life here. He had a wife that loved him, kids that loved him, a nice home, and a real family. What the heck was so wrong with that? ST, I know you think he wasn't getting all of his needs met here, and maybe so, but I really honestly think it goes deeper into who he is and his character than that. If he just wasn't happy here he would have stayed with OW...he just keeps rolling right through people.

[blindsided1]

SO2 - I am guilty of the same thought process...."Why wasn't I good enough to love and stay and make him happy...what was so wrong with "me" or here". Honey, it's not YOU. It IS him...believe it. He is, who he is. You could have been the best wife in the world, the most loving, given him everything he ever wanted and needed and it wouldn't have been enough. This is what I am trying to accept. It's hard, I know. You want to believe that they are someone else. That you couldn't be duped and tricked and that the feelings you had together wasn't a lie....at least that is how I feel. I can't speak for you. But, I realize now that I can't control who he chooses, who he loves, if he is going to be a good man or a mean man, a good father or a bad one....he is in his own hands. All we can do is be the best person we can be. If they want the person we are....then WE have the choice, again, to decide if we want the person THEY are. I don't want him the way he is, now. I am loving my life. All aspects except him. Even work. It sucks big time right now...but, I can change that. I can change that. I can't change my H.

Love you. Don't beat yourself up over that crap. He's filling a void. Little does he know....it can't be filled that way...not for long, anyway.

[kassie]

I think we all think that they had it good and maybe they did - but the point is that it didn't matter to them. No matter the reasons.

The real question is when to let go. And really what is it that we are letting go Of anyway?

I'm tired of trying to figure things out... just tired ... anyone want to move forward with me?

[Startingover2]

I do! I do!! I want to be happy.So sick of wondering what will happen with exh and baby.

[kassie]

Great to hear - need the company. It will be a great journey!

[Startingover2]

Last night started to engage and I backed off. He really gets to me and its so hard not to call him on his stuff.

Exh: how is baby?
me: Shes good.
exh: how are you?
me: Im good.
exh: I am having a f*ing hard time with my older girls. I guess I am old fashioned.
me: if you say so. I find that funny.
exh: why is that?
me: nevermind. sorry. giving baby a bath. ttyl.
exh: why would you say that? Its been tough.

When he said "old fashioined" I about lost my lunch. Old fashioned is morals, values, integrity and committment. Nothing that exh is. I wanted to say is old fashioned walking away from your family, destroying another all the while on an adult hookup website? Wow...he really lives in a fantasy.

[kassie]

Yeah! you disengaged! Good for you. exh lives in a pretend world. You see the real deal. You treat him better than that.

So what else did you do today? Plans for the weekend?

[Startingover2]

Is my former stepdaughter's bday today...12. I guess I will send a text. Sad, as one year ago today we had a great bday party for her. I worked my a** off and threw her and her friends a fun sleepover/swim party. Exh was so greatful and thankful that I made stepdaughter so happy. After her friends left we quickly cleaned up and had my son's bday party with his friends. Exh proceeded to get so drunk he was falling down all over the place and making scenes. It was horribly embarrassing for me and my son.

I am going to be out of touch this afternoon at a 25th wedding anniversary party for some friends. Should be fun. They live where there is little cel reception. Guess exh will be SOL when he tries to text.

[kassie]

Just recall the part where you gave someone else a great memory!
and exh gave the usual.

Look you mentioned my strength - look at what you have "lived" through, be glad exh is "ex" (remember, I'm still M), give yourself credit for still being a loving person instead of a callous B***.

I know the memories stick for awhile but the secret is to move forward and GAL (whatever that is) and as you build positive memories with others, these will fade in importance.

This is the hardest R I have had - but part of the "hard" is how I choose to deal with it. In a spiritual sense, we have choices over how much meaning and what kind of meaning we place on experiences. What we choose can make life feel "hard" or " less hard".

Am spending the day doing almost nothing. I really get wiped out during the week anymore. Talk to you later or have a nice evening if we don't.

[Startingover2]

I went to the anniversary party yesterday. It sucked. I was so looking forward to this and I was the only single person there. Seriously! 80 or so people and I was the only one. I didn't really fit in. My wife this, my husband that.I sort of meandered around but felt like a third wheel. Not to mention I had baby in tow and was chasing her all over. It was the only social thing I had going in months. I stayed for about 90 minutes, made and excuse, and left. Was so depressed on the 2 hour ride home. I hate being single in a small town.