Love is patient. And kind. You can be loving and patient to yourself and your spouse at the same time. Detaching and GALing help you do this. By focusing on yourself and your interests/hobbies , you are loving yourself by getting "me" time and not obsessing about M. At the same time you are being patient because time is passing while you are detaching and GALing. Trust me, it passes a lot faster if you are involved in activities than when you are sitting around thinking about M all the time.
Being loving and patient is a gift to yourself. It is not a statement that you are validating your W's behaviour. The alternative is to be constantly bitter and angry. Don't give her that power.Reaching this point is a process though, and you only get there when you get there. I still have moments where I am as mad as all get out.
My policy is that if your H/W wants freedom, let them go. At the very core of it if you say you love someone and they say they are not happy with you why ask them to stay and be unhappy? Is it selfish to want someone you love to stay with you when they don't want to? I think you have to give them time and space to really search their heart without pressure being applied. After they come back you have the big discussion and lay down the ground rules for going forward.
Lovingly distance - I love this concept! This is what I am doing. In a sense I am in the background, standing apart from H and his current life while working on me. I no longer try to influence his choices because I now know I cannot control him.
