.... just because there's a certain level of validation she "needs", it doesn't mean it's something healthy for her to have. External validation, at the end of the day, is nothing more than a pretty crutch if it's doing for you what you can't do for yourself.
IC -- GOOD IC -- for her is probably essential to break the cycle.
Choc, I'm really glad you've BOTH apparently pulled back from the brink and are genuinely trying.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
.... just because there's a certain level of validation she "needs", it doesn't mean it's something healthy for her to have. External validation, at the end of the day, is nothing more than a pretty crutch if it's doing for you what you can't do for yourself.
IC -- GOOD IC -- for her is probably essential to break the cycle.
I agree. To give her too much of what DQ is saying she "needs" would only feed the Entitlement/Princess beast, which -- frankly -- needs to, if not be slain, at least reined in a bit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, WDID, you called it. She's hiding in the bedroom with the door locked tonite, then talking on the phone with D22, then upstairs on the treadmill. I think she's avoiding me, and she still hasn't responded to my e-mail other than to say it was "nice" and that she'd read it again later.
Wmn, the movie was awesome. Puppy, have you seen it?
Pup,
It doesn't make me feel better, I just remember how I was. I remember my husband sending an email similar, me crying and so happy when I read it, but by the time he got home I had "hardened up". It was a bad cycle. It's something you are trying to break. It's going to take some time and effort on both of your parts. Remember, you have the support of this website, she has her divorced friends. Did you talk to her about it later?
Wmn, the movie was awesome. Puppy, have you seen it?
Pup,
It doesn't make me feel better, I just remember how I was. I remember my husband sending an email similar, me crying and so happy when I read it, but by the time he got home I had "hardened up". It was a bad cycle. It's something you are trying to break. It's going to take some time and effort on both of your parts. Remember, you have the support of this website, she has her divorced friends. Did you talk to her about it later?
She pretty much made herself scarce all night, and then fell asleep on the couch. I fell asleep on the opposite couch, where I woke up this morning. She said she told me she was going to bed, and I answered her with something like "OK, I'm coming," but it must have been in my sleep, because I don't remember it.
I've asked her multiple times to see "Fireproof," but she has no interest. She said that when she goes out to see a movie, she wants to be entertained, and doesn't want anything "heavy."
You need this movie right now. You may be thinking...it's JUST a movie, WDID....and, it is...but there are some things in there that will help you. Trust me. Watch it alone. You don't need her to watch it. Some day you can both watch it together. My H and I went to see it after Retrouvaille and I had wished I had seen it alone. It hit us both differently, and it was personal, and I wanted to be alone without my H there seeing me emotional at different points.
As for her pulling back. You both probably do this. You reach out, don't get the response you are looking for/expecting, and you pull back/build the wall. Break the cycle. Whatever you normally do when she does this...don't do it. If you normally get pis$ed and get quiet, then don't do that. Just keep loving her. Remember the things you talked about. Those things didn't just go away.
It's hard to put yourself out there, and get nothing in return. I wonder what would have happened if you tried anythign with her that night? Hard to do when you are feeling slapped in the face, but I just wonder...... (just thinking out loud)
