Quote:
As for S13, after he saw your pain and struggle with seeing XH's significant other (she is not the other woman, there are not three people in a romantic R), S13 was probably more honest than you wish he was when he asked her not to attend to protect you.


Seems that's just what happened.

It sucks so much that I have to now learn to be the pretender. I don't want either of them picturing me as the weak, pathetic, unwanted ex-wife. I don't want my kids to see me that way, either.
It hurts, and now I have to find a way to mask that pain. I'd still rather something unpleasant happen to her and she wasn't a factor, anymore.

I know it shouldn't matter at this point. I saw him in my driveway from the car yesterday when he dropped off D10 on the motorcycle, and he just looked like someone I used to know - my heart didn't flutter, his beard is too full and doesn't compliment him, but there is still...something. Familiar, maybe? I don't know.

I am trying so hard to put my kids first. But I don't know if or when I will ever really get over this. Be able to be in the same room with them and have it not matter.

You know the saying that when you have kids, its like walking around with your heart outside of your body? I feel like that...a huge part of my heart is in him, and I can't have it anymore. Being around him reminds me...and her there, having what was once mine?

Damn, I wish he was more of an a$$hole. I want to hate him. I want to be happy to be rid of him.

Or be happy for him, completely ok with the way everything is. Be grateful that she isn't a witch to my kids. Instead, I want her to disappear.

Quote:


You Were Mine lyrics

I Can't Find A Reason To Let Go
Even Though You've Found A New Love
And She's What Your Dreams Are Made Of
I Can Find A Reason To Hang On
What Went Wrong Can Be Forgiven
Without You, It Ain't Worth Livin' Alone

Sometimes I Wake Up Crying At Night
And Sometimes I Scream Out Your Name
What Right Does She Have To Take You Away
When For So Long, You Were Mine

I Took Out All The Pictures Of Our Wedding Day
It Was A Time Of Love And Laughter
Happy Ever After
But Even Those Old Pictures Have Begun To Fade
Please Tell Me She's Not Real
And That You're Really Coming Home To Stay

Sometimes I Wake Up Crying At Night
And Sometimes I Scream Out Your Name
What Right Does She Have To Take Your Heart Away
When For So Long, You Were Mine

I Can Give You Two Good Reasons
To Show You Love's Not Blind
He's Two And She's Four, And You Know They Adore You
So How Can I Tell Them You've Changed Your Mind

I Remember When You Were Mine


I don't wake up at night anymore. But I think I have only gotten good at ignoring the elephant that is in my life. There is just too much else to worry about most of the time, now. So I try not to think about it.

I feel like I have to be able to wrap this up tighter and tighter in an ugly little ball and bury it deep in my heart, because I can't change it, and I can't share it with anyone, anymore - who wants to hear this sh!t, anyway?

I don't know how people get over their spouses, someone you promised to love and cherish your whole life. I think the best I'll ever do is to learn to live without him.