He is a person of character and really disapproves of anything like that. He's not missing for long periods of time. He checks in without me asking...Plus, he told me that there is no one else. There's no past pattern of lying to me.
Good news. See my post from this morning. He actually said he wants to work on the marriage. We have a counseling appointment Friday night.
OK. Just please be careful. The same things could have been said of many, many others on here. And once they do (get involved with someone else), they will ALWAYS lie to you. I'd be surprised if there wasn't at least some emotional attachment to someone that was holding him back.
Had a good evening last night. Worked out, came home and fixed dinner. We exchanged some small talk. I went about doing my chores, checking e-mail etc. I was in the office on the computer and he came in and asked me what I was doing. So we watched the rest of the finale to the Biggest Loser together.
He's sleeping in the bedroom and very affectionate. So far so good. Today is Day 3...
Always listen to your inner voice! I knew the last 2 nights were probably a mistake - fun but a mistake. He said tonight that he's confused about the last 2 nights and doesn't know what to think. I told him quite frankly it was a little confusing to me too. He readily admitted it was his fault (he pursued me). I told him we'd better cool it tonight. He also said he's nervous about going to the lake next weekend and he doesn't know why. He said he still might try to go to the lake on Saturday (our counseling appt is Friday at 6 pm). I'm surprrisingly calm. I told him he doesn't have to go with us next weekend if it's too uncomfortable for him.
I made dinner and cleaned up, took my shower. He went downstairs while I was in the shower. It will be interesting to see where he sleeps tonight.
I'm just playing it cool doing my own thing and really just staying out of his way.
Must be a MLC! What do you think? Sandi I'm really interested in your opinion if you're out there.
Monday, May 11th Wow! We had a turn for the better last night. He asked me if he could talk to me. Luckily I was able to minimize the screen so he couldn't see that I was on this site.
Basically, he said that he wasn't going to the lake this weekend that he wanted to keep the counseling appt. He wants to work on things. He said at least if it doesn't work out we'll both know we did everything we could and maybe it will make things easier. He said he's just very scared of "getting his heart stomped on again." I resisted the urge to strangle him and said please know that I am not about to stomp on your heart.
I told him that I want to live a happy life. I'm working on making changes in my life to make that happen.
He came over to me and gave me a big hug and then started kissing me. You can probably guess what happened from there. That may have been a big mistake on my part but I guess we both just got caught up in the moment.
I'm going to continue to apply the last resort technique. I'm working hard on myself. I'll be happy with or without him.
I'm looking at counseling as an opportunity to put the old marriage to rest and to begin a new one. We'll see what happens. I feel like such a burden has been lifted from shoulders now.
5/13/09 Always listen to your inner voice! I knew the last 2 nights were probably a mistake - fun but a mistake. He said tonight that he's confused about the last 2 nights and doesn't know what to think. I told him quite frankly it was a little confusing to me too. He readily admitted it was his fault (he pursued me). I told him we'd better cool it tonight. He also said he's nervous about going to the lake next weekend and he doesn't know why. He said he still might try to go to the lake on Saturday (our counseling appt is Friday at 6 pm). I'm surprrisingly calm. I told him he doesn't have to go with us next weekend if it's too uncomfortable for him.
I made dinner and cleaned up, took my shower. He went downstairs while I was in the shower. It will be interesting to see where he sleeps tonight.
I'm just playing it cool doing my own thing and really just staying out of his way.
Must be a MLC! What do you think? Sandi I'm really interested in your opinion if you're out there.
By the way, he did fall asleep downstairs last night but did come up early this morning to go to bed.
Only thing you can do right now is let it run its course. People in MLC will usually rebuff any help or suggestions describing what a MLC is, especially from their spouses.
You just have to keep up a certain level of detachment so that with each positive step he takes, you take with a grain of salt. Continue to live YOUR life for yourself. And as hard as it is, try not to hold onto every word and action your H does. It's going to leave you being the confused one.
That's why they call this a roller coaster. Your H is on an emotional one. But it is your choice to stay on it or be dragged along with him.
Patience and prayer are what's going to help you get through all this.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Latest update. His best friend and his wife are going through a divorce. His best friend's wife has been seeking my H's counsel because he knows her H better than anyone.
However, today in looking at our cell phone bill I see that my H and his best friend's wife are spending a lot of time on the phone together. Interestingly enough a long time on the phone Wednesday morning and Wednesday night is when he pulled back away. I asked him about it today and he said we talk because I know R better than anyone else. She still wants to desperately get back together with him.
I asked my H if he'd shared that we were having problems and he said yes. He said she's encouraging me to make our marriage work. My big concern is that he was not forthcoming with this information because he said I was afraid you'd think there was more to it.
When I arrived home tonight, he actually had dinner made. I thanked him and let him know I had plans to go shopping with my girlfriend. He was pleasant and engaged me in conversation when I got home but he has that mopey, I'm so depressed look on his face.
I'm supposed to go out with the wife this weekend. Here's my dilemna...would it be alright to say something like. I know this has been a very difficult time for you and I know it's been helpful for you to talk to (my H) about things. We both certainly want to be supportive of you. I have noticed that the two of you have been spending a great deal of time together on the phone. As you know, we're struggling with our marriage as well. My concern is that sometimes when people rely on each other for long periods of time emotional attachments happen. I'm really trying to make my marriage work and I have to be honest with you I'm uncomfortable with the amount of time you and (my H) are spending on the phone together.
Do I go further and let her know that on Wednesday I know they had a long phone conversation and that evening it really impacted my H? (although I guess it's an assumption on my part) Also, I thought about saying - think of it this way. What if our roles were reversed. What if your H was spending a lot of time on the phone with me - wouldn't that make you uncomfortable?
Sorry to be the issuer of bad news, but there is your OW. My ex bestfriend was doing the whole talking to my husband to help him through his issues...blah blah blah. They are now together. They will never admit it is anything more than friends, but I would be willing to bet a million dollars that he wouldn't be comfortable telling you all the things they talk about. Which is what an EA is. They probably haven't slept together, but they are still emotionally involved with each other.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
