I'm with Julia.. I often think, now, after he has been with ow this long (22 months??) and still not doing much, after D talk.. why keep being so 'nice', accepting calls, going for coffee/lunch whatever and also.. why walk to the tube hand in hand?? Especially if you have feelings for CEO? What would you have done if H had tried to snog you goodbye (as he did occassionally)? And if you kissed him back, what does that say for your feelings for CEO?? I'm wondering if you really have let go of H...also I am wondering if you DO still have feelings for H and dont want to D.. like Julia says, is it worth making yourself unavailable? Saying you cant see him this week when he asks, or certainly, drop his hand when he takes it? (dont have to make a big deal, just as soon as he takes it, wait a second then let go to fish for something in your handbag, but dont take his hand again afterwards)??? Stop being so compliant with him??
MIght make him realise he is losing you/lost you? Questions questions...
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Julia- I realised we'd forgotten the music when I got home! Steven's address is on the website for music returns- might be worth dropping him a line? I can always get it next time we meet. In relation to what Jody suggested in my/mine and H's sitch, it was to be nice and loving towards him, to be patient and let him know I was there, to be fun and upbeat, and to be very very patient because he's dealing with shame and guilt and it was going to take him a long time to work through it. I agree with her assessment- he definitely feels guilty and ashamed and I'm sure he doesn't actually want the D. If I was 10 years younger..... with CEO, I couldn't have asked him for a drink as I was going to the concert and he was on his way to the Lakes for a stag. Next time!
Al- if I'd asked him why he was asking me he'd have legged it! No R talks when you're on the verge of eliciting a pursuit!! I'd also say that things aren't as simple as 'having feelings for H' or not 'having feelings' for him, or having feelings for H vs having feelings for CEO. Being unavailable to H or him feeling like he's losing me wouldn't work- I've tried that, and it just cements his feelings of guilt and losing me being exactly what he deserves... I love that about snogging H saying something about my feelings for CEO- I think it would be possible for me to snog a man without having feelings for him/while having feelings for another man. Not that I would do that but it really made me smile- cheating on CEO by snogging H! Chance'd be a fine thing, on either front
Handsome- I wish you'd pursue me
K- point taken. I tried being soft with him yesterday and got an interesting reaction- he went into protective mode, but I think maybe I wasn't doing 'soft' that well. I'll keep trying!
LovelyFriendOfBeautifulMelonsAndYogaGoddess- it's lovely to see yu. How are things? I wish you could have been at the concert too. It would have been so fun to go out on the town afterwards, and there was a tenor soloist who was super-hot to look at too!
Michelle- great to see you! I do think my life is a bit like a soap-opera at the moment. I can't wait to see what might happen myself
No news from H yet this week- I think he's doing touch and go's to see where I am and then disappearing. I can't remember for sure but I seem to remember reading that crisis guys do that a bit.
CEO got his hair cut today- we had quite a long discussion about what style he should get and I was relieved to see he didn't have too much of it off in one way, but disappointed too as I nearly touched it yesterday at lunch, it looked so good! Those 'pro-flirting with CEO-ers' reading will be pleased to hear that I managed to tell him his hair/he looked hot 3 times today and he was ridiculously pleased by it each time. So funny.
Yesterday evening I went out with a couple of the girls from my new office for dinner and a really hot guy on the next table was giving me the eye throughout the evening. It was nice until I spotted the ring on his finger and that made me so mad. I was almost tempted to get his number so I could call his wife and warn her, because it'll only take an unscrupulous and loser-ish OW type to ensure he falls down the slippery slope. And of course he shouldn't have been behaving like that in the first place. In the end we just left the restaurant, although one of the other girls actually wanted to go and give him a piece of her mind for eyeing me when he's married. That would have been funny!
Out shopping tomorrow evening with a GF and I might have lunch with some of the guys from my old office building on Friday. Tonight a couple of builders came round to quote on the plumbing work I want done. One of them was really pretty- is it wrong to select a builder on the basis of how pretty he is? He'd be very nice to look at for the week that the work will take, but I guess that'll be no consolation if he does a bad job!
PS> Ali- have you tried squeezy Marmite? Tescos had run ot of the normal stuff and I had t get squeezy but I can't get it to work evenly on toast because when you squeeze it on it sort of sinks in and gets too strong. Any tips?! At the moment I'm squeezing it onto the knife and then spreading, but that's really unsatisfactory, especially at the end of a night of drinking.
Ahh.. yes I did buy one of those.. but I'm a bluff old traditionalist and had to go back to the good old glass bottle! (man those things are unbreakable!! Have you ever dropped one out of the kitchen cupboard and bounced it off all the sideboards, the sink and then the floor?? I have, several times. I think they are made out of kryptonite).
The secret of the squeezy I found was.... (drum roll please)... you squeeze lightly whilst whizzing the thing around the toast real fast!? Thereby depositing a thin snot like trail of delicious marmite which you can then spread about.
So.. Lisa, you kinda side stepped what I was saying (you minx, you are cleverer than a man with three heads so you know you did)... You are proceeding with D etc yet you said..
"Being unavailable to H or him feeling like he's losing me wouldn't work- I've tried that, and it just cements his feelings of guilt and losing me being exactly what he deserves..."
...um, but he is losing you, your getting D? And I dont remember you trying it ever really consistently. There was the odd time you wouldnt return an email for a couple of days, or turned down a coffee invite but would end up accepting lunch a few days later.
I'm talking seriously letting go, serously NOT holding his hand, not replying to a message.. make him phone you to see if you are dead or alive or something. If you say you have already been honest several times about wanting to sort it out and not D, if he dumps the aub.. and that didnt work and now you have started D proceedings and that hasnt worked.. well, what do you have to lose?
Unless you are trying to be patient and consistent and still being "good old Lisa" and hoping he will be one of those 11th hour turnarounds we hear about and halt the D????
xxxx PS: I once instructed a builder because he was a HOT ADONIS!!! He flirted like mad with me all day and I was very flattered when he phoned me one night drunk and invited me to join him.. he was mortally embarressed the next day though when he arrived for work (to start digging my drain lower for the toilet).. but then I was mortally embarressed when they lifted the manhole and although I had flushed.. it had only got as far as the bit of pipe they were now staring down into. Not one of my finest moments.
Handsome- I think we can probably get tickets around Christmas. Wouldn't it be fun to go. shallwe plan to?
Al- thanks for the Marmite advice, although the texture of the trail is slightly putting me off now too!
I'm not sure I'm being 'good old Lisa' in the hope that he'll come back. I really think it's too late for that and it's not going to happen because he obviously doesn't want the D and yet did/does nothing about it. I can't see him having a last minute change of heart/getting up the gumption to say anything, whatever I might do. The reason I see him and don't do 'dark' is that I think we have a nice friendship and that's really a good outcome for me. I don't want to go back to nothing and then build up the interaction again to achieve friendship again..... Also, we have had no contact for at least 10 weeks at a a time, and at the end of that he said he thought I didn't want to speak to him any more but it still didn't occur to him that the reason he was upset was because he misses me and wants me in his life.
I also didn't start the D as a DB technique- I initiated it because I felt ready to move on and that I'd done everything I could to save the M. I really believe I have and I don't regret how I've carried myself during the S- you should see my solution journal, and I think I've been more than patient with H. I just think it's sad that it didn't work out the way I thought it would on the day of the wedding..... Still, sometimes things don't work out how you think they will and you have to move on, even if it's sad to do so. That's where I am now. I should probably move to 'surviving' but maybe when the nisi papers come.
Today I went shopping and bought this top. It looks very Fallon Carrington on- I really like it! And also has some sexyish holes down the arms that reveal my shoulders. I'm wearing it to the office tomorrow.
so, CEO update for today.....today he sent me a message saying he wouldn't be in until after lunch (we usually have a restaurant lunch together if he's in). When he arrived he came bounding over to me and we had the following conversation
CEO: How are you? Me: I'm good thanks. But I'm starving- I haven't had lunch for 2 days (laughing- that's how long it's been since we went for lunch together) CEO: Oh no, really? What do you do for lunch when I'm not here? Do you just go by yourself? Me: Sometimes- it depends. I'm never by myself because even if I go alone the waiters usually descend on me. Or I go with the guys from (old office) CEO: Really? Do they ask you? Or you just bumped into them by accident? Me: Oh, they ask. CEO: What as a group? Or individually? Me: Individually. CEO: Just one? or all of them? Me: More than one of them CEO: But they're idiots. Do you go? Me: I haven't yet. Only the hottest of hot men get to take me to lunch. (At this point I dropped my gaze to his chest and hips and then looked up at him again) CEO: Then you shouldn't let them take you. Me: Well, if you're not here......(and then I laughed and said I had to work)
A couple of hours later I needed to speak to him about a work issue so I asked if I could call him tomorrow as he was originally planning to be at home. He said he'd decided to come in and that we were going to lunch. He'd even put it in his diary (so cute)- 'lunch with My Lady'.
Mwahahahahaha!!!
I also got the quote on my kitchen from the studly plumber today- I think I'm going to use him after all because his quote was much more comprehensive than the original guy, and his friend the kitchen guy looked and sounded just like Vernon Kay. Al- good story about your builder- I'll be careful to make sure that doesn't happen to me. I'd have died of embarrassment!
((((((Lisa)))))) I'd like to plan on it! By the end of the year I should have some idea how money is going to be. At this point, it's all just guessing, and numbers on paper!
I think I like your course of action with respect to your H. If you are comfortable being his friend, why not? I think W and I will still get along, more or less. I'm sure there will be hills and valleys! Lately I've been feeling angry (mostly notice it in dreams) but I really don't know that there is a particular reason. Maybe just that things are taking so long?
I still think CEO is right on the edge of pursuing. He's being a bit cagey, and careful. But that makes it more fun!
Exacly how were you planning to "use" the plumber?
