"Ex was abusive and hit her and they divorced--legit in my mind."
Unfortunately, that says a lot. Sometimes people that have been abused are NOT capable of FORGIVING and LETTING THINGS GO. She has to DEAL with this through counseling or it will just build. Has she been treated for that. Once victimized it is really hard to have sympathy for other people.
This could explain a lot of her behavior of not letting the past stay in the past. I dealt with a lot of the same issues w my ex.
