We can't have your W lying and making up stories AND you living in denial. Somebody's gotta steer the ship here. I vote for you.
You are filled with self doubt. Certainly, you had your part in the marriage. Everybody does. Nobody, not even someone in the best marriage, can say that they don't have something they need to be better at. Nothing anyone does justifies adultery. Only someone who is afraid that there will be no change or has given up without trying walks away without facing their loved one to give him a chance.
Sounds like you need to work on intimacy and connection. This is not unusual at all... If you have the time and the mental space, order a copy of "Passionate Marriage" by Schnarch. I am sure that some of the material in that book will resonate. If you're not ready to read it now, order it for later when you're feeling ready to think about a future relationship.
You are such a good man. Looking at yourself and your part in this particular situation takes greatness. It would be easy for anyone to pin everything on your W, given the facts we have here.
Lay low and clear your head. She is filling it with false information that will crush you.
