The adventure continues--the saga

[AFWAW]

Ugh, I'm going to be 40 this month and I feel like a little kid, really. I understand her reservations about not wanting to put up w/ some stuff but why would she leave her child. It seems like everytime we get close to resolving this, something happens to push it even further away from ever happening. I think Gucci said it--something about a slow death. It seems no matter what I do or what I say there's something else that gives her a reason to not try and work this out. Now, instead of just feeling like a failure as a husband, she's made me feel like there's no future for me after the military? I'm sure I'll be able to get a contract job or a GS job so I don't know why she would say this. I know she probably really did have an affair although she said today that she only said this so I would let her go and that the real problem has been me all along. She told me something that I remember her saying a long time ago. It was that if I didn't give her the affection she needed I was going to grow old alone. That dug into me hard today, really hard. What can I do to please this woman? Why has she determined in her mind that I'm such a loser? She even said it today that she used to worship the ground I walked on. How did I lose that? I don't know. Hell, while I'm asking all these stupid questions, what's the freaking meaning of life? Anyone?