The expectations of what you two are suppose to be like could be that "it" that keeps coming up.
I think that's very close. It's more that "The It" is that we look at each other, and feel viscerally that the other is deeply disappointed in me, and that I'm letting them down. You somehow feel unloved, because YOU are not giving the other the love that THEY need, and they know it, and YOU know it, and you know that THEY know that you know it!!
Does that make sense? I think it's pure enmeshment/co-dependency, but it's what we do. It's a crappy, crappy game that unfortunately we play all too well.
