I'm glad you've done some soul searching and that introspection is invaluable. But Kenn is so right and I apologize if this didn't come across clearly in my previous post: this is NOT all your fault. It's important to recognize your part so you can work on it. However, no one is perfect. You certainly did not singlehandedly bring the R to this point. You did not walk out without communicating pain or trying. That's on your H.
If you feel financial dependence was an issue and you want to address it, good for you for standing on your own. But don't put yourself in a bad situation just because you don't want to take anything from him. You are still married. You aren't working yet. That arrangement was made by both of you and you shouldn't feel guilty about it, especially since you do have a job lined up that will be starting soon. Heck, I haven't worked in two years, am completely financially dependent on xBF, and not for any good reason like going back to school. That is a big issue for us and one I need to address better than I have been. But we have continued the same financial arrangement as before because that's the reality of the current situation and he understands that.
Do not think that just because there's no contact that means there's no hope. After I kicked him out of the house I had no personal contact with xBF for a month, only email exchanges about financial matters. Then he started wanting to come over to see the cats. Then he wanted to see me. Then he wanted another chance for us. During that time I kept communication to email and the occasional text. So all that is to say that you cannot know what is going through your H's mind during this time and it's not necessarily bad to have no contact. Personally I think it's good to have that separation so H can realize that you are not the cause of all his problems.
One day at a time is the way to go. No dwelling today. Tomorrow do something fun. It's ok to smile. You might not want to or think you can, but try it! And seriously, rent the movie "Yes Man" even if you're not a Jim Carrey fan. It's a great story about how PMA and GAL activities can turn your life around. And you'll laugh.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
