John, FTR...I vote she comes back home. The reason doesn't matter...now it the time you detach (I hate that word, how do you detach from your W of 15 yrs,,yadayada)lets try go slowly and protect your heart. No proof that she did anything...I wonder about the emails, bodywash, and the name on the computer? Tell her you want the cell phone records for the last 6-months.
Even now she can't tell you the truth. I will admit that this situation has been very ununsual...a Lt Col married to a Col having an affair with a MSgt, almost living in the apartment, a MSgt with a good chance of making SMSgt and CMSgt, having 4 affairs within 7-months, leaving her daughter...for the civilians reading - this is odd because the loss for anyone involved is much more than in the civilian world. Most Lt Col's are retirement eligible and the retired pay is significant. His wifes pay is even more. AFWAW W is a SNCO who has the potential (as AFWAW will!) to be promoted two more times...hundreds of thousands of dollars in lifetime earnings for a "fling" that will end in Oct AND could possibly result in a demotion or separation for either. Although it would not happen the possibility also exsist for a courtmartial - the kiss of death careerwise for an officer or SNCO.
Just be careful when/if she comes back...I do not like her telling you that if you had answered the phone she would have come back...that is another way for her to keep you wishing
...the best thing you can do right now is force her hand on the marriage.
You should not tell her anything about your legal plans to include exposure...do not cancel the lawyers appointment...she must give you the names of her OM (there are OM), counseling, family events, etc.
What did she say about cutting off your phone?
Stay calm, nothing has changed, don't get excited, way too early. Focus on your daughter
Again, just to be safe...consider a post-nup. She very well could be doing this to hedge her bets in a divorce...she can say she tried and it did not work, low profile until divorced, and hook-up with the OM. Remember...she is a liar.
