I wouldn't even talk anout the D right now with her. Just work on you, get the apt. and take care of the kids. Don't mention anything about the L and don't mention anything about the D to your BIL. He may tell your W about the D and your meeting with the L. Can you trust him?
I know limbo sucks but the longer you establish yourself as an involved father the better you look in front of a judge. What's a little longer. Let the D go at her pace and it helps you stand in front of the judge and say "look how involved I have become" plus the visitation now sets some precident.
check with your lawyer to verify this but limbo can be tollerated if you focus on the goal.
what Jag said. Back when I was in the fear mode lawyer told me to keep a calander and indicate dates I had daughter plus keep receipts for items that I bought pertaining to daughtersuch as school clothes.
that was for an ugly divorce and custody fight. I don't think you will get there based on what you have said but as someone posted above better to prepare for the worse and hope for the best.
and as always don't share what you are doing (like seeing a lawyer) even in an argument
have a great day... they come more freguent now ...don't they?
Today I sign a lease for a year. I'm throwing away money for a year.
Uggg...
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I really thought and thought. And I just thought the apartment was to small, not where I wanted to live, and I did not want to put the girls in a new school for one year and then move them right back out. So I got my deposit down and got another place. I was originally going to go back to my original place. But then W said if I do that she would not split custody with me 50/50. She says the place was not safe. I disagree. There was nothing wrong with it. It was just older and yes looked a tad bit more run down, but was fine.
So I got another place that is much larger and cheaper in rent. Its further away from work. But the girls loved the place. So I put my deposit down on it and also paid for the rest of this months rent. I am signing a 7 month lease which gives me time to figure some things out. The girls will stay where they are for now regarding school.
I asked my W again if she was going to move to the area where the schools are she wanted the kids to go to school at. She yelled at me and said no that she is keeping her happy butt right where it is. So I said I am not staying there longer than a year. She yells at me why not? I said because I don't want to live there. I'm planning on buying a house within a year and its not fair to transfer the kids like that. She told me to live where ever I want then since I have my own priorities.
So I am kind of living where I want now. Not completely, but moreso than I was going to be before. I might eat up more gas. But I can switch in 7 months if I decide its more than I wanted. She pretty much yelled at me the whole day because I just wasn't comfortable with going along with her plans. She told me as long as I am out of the house by 5pm saturday she doesn't care where I live.
The kids and I got home tonite after I showed them the new place. D11 has a key to the house since W won't give me one. D11 lost it. So I let W know. She was at happy hour and was not leaving. She told me to call her mom. I told her that her mom hates me. She said she doesn't know what to say then. So I called her mom. I couldn't even finish explaining that we needed to be let in the house before her mom handed the phone to W's stepdad and started yelling something in the back ground. So I go to their house to get the key and the stepdad is waiting outside to give me the key. W's mom didn't even want me walking up to the front door. So I asked him, what in the heck is going on with this family? He said he doesn't know and he is barely hanging on to. He told me if I figure it out to let him know.
So he gave us a key to the house and we were able to get in. I am also starting to get crap from D11 because I don't buy her everything she wants when we go out to eat somewhere like her mom and grandma do. Well, they got money to burn. And they do burn it. So D11 gets mad at me and says whats the point then.
It seems like the only person I really seem to matter to here is D7. And that is probably just a matter of time before they turn her also.
This family is so warped. I wish there was some way to get me and my kids away from this family.
This morning I told my W that I could use a destressor tonite, wink wink. She told me to find someone else. I said you are my W. Cmong now. And she got mad. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said anything.
D11 and D7 bickered most of the time tonite. It seems like I get nothing but attitude lately from them, on top of that from my W and her mom and being excluded from everything.
Why did I come back to Dallas? There is nothing but a terrible family here. And they all for the most part back each other. The step dad just tries to stay out of everything. All he worries about is don't ask him for his money. Other than that, leave him out of stuff.
Sanity? This family isn't sane. And they are driving me insane.
I guess I am paying for sanity. But it seems like the only one I am really here for lately is D7.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Why do you constantly let her yell at you? Just walk away. Right now you're just taking it like a punching bag. I know you were a little assertive in terms of what you were going to do about your living area, but the rest of the time you just let her keep belittling you. Stand up and be a man.
"This morning I told my W that I could use a destressor tonite, wink wink."
I can't believe you actually said that. From that quote alone, what little respect she had for you probably went out the window. You keep showing her you need her when she doesn't need you.
"D11 and D7 bickered most of the time tonite. It seems like I get nothing but attitude lately from them, on top of that from my W and her mom and being excluded from everything."
Do you know why they give you attitude? It's because they see their mom doing it to you and getting away with it. Both you and your FIL are being walked all over by these women. If you want to find out what to do, then get your balls back from these women. It's as simple as that. They walk all over you because they don't RESPECT you. And sadly your Ds are learning from example.
But remember, it's a two way street. They can also learn from YOU. They are with you 50% of the time. Teach them during that 50% you have with them. Teach them how to respect others. Teach them like a responsible father and parent does. If you don't, they are going to end up exactly like your W. Is that what you want?
"Why did I come back to Dallas? "
Because you ran away the first time and you were going to reassert yourself and get your girls back. Have you forgotten?
There's your 2x4. I'm sure the first of many.
C'mon man, you were doing so well. Keep it together!
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
