Yes Pearlharbr, I am definately responsible for this situation getting to where it is today.
I know that I have had strong bad feelings that things were not right for about 3 months now and maybe hints of it even as far back as February. He stopped communicating with me about what was going on at work and I just kept letting it go. I just kept thinking he will figure it out...instead of stepping up and helping him. But, I did think it was an adjustment issue on his part and he was not taking enough time for himself. I thought he was having a MLC and he needed the space to figure things out.
I figured he would tire out and stop working .........not tire out and divorce me! I underestimated and missed a million opportunities to right this. I am sure of that.
I think what he liked in me to begin with is that I was fearless. If I decided to do something, I would go thru whatever lengths to get that goal accomplished. For the last year, I have been more dependent on him about my career and definately not as pro-active myself. He kept advising me and I just kept leaning more and more on him. He was already dealing with alot and then I added myself on. He is a caretaker and well, I let myself go......metaphorically speaking.
He asked me on several occasions to do things for him.....small things and I did not do them....just came up with one excuse after another.
So you are right and I am not, by any means, placing the blame on him. I know marriages are a 2 way deal and I know that I have slipped from who I was when I first met him.......because in a way it was easier. Not a very nice thing to admit to yourself.....but, the truth.
That is why within the first 3 days of him handing me the papers, I stopped all financial support that he was giving me and started just managing myself with whatever money I have. I have initiated conversations, but only for the purpose of paperwork or some business related issues. I have not spoken/texted/emailed him since Monday this week as all our business has been dealt with. I have not begged and pleaded. Its the best I can do right now. I know I have made mistakes, but I can only say that I would not do that again.
It is partly why this week has been so difficult. No contact whatsoever and its not looking like we are going to be connecting anytime soon. Its difficult bc he is not going to do anything right now. Its just a waiting game.
I have looked at sandi2's list of dos and don'ts and have printed them out so I can read them daily. Hopefully that will get me thru until June, when he comes to see me and we can talk to see if there is a chance. If he says there is not and signs the papers....I am basically out of luck.
Thank you for your thought provoking reply and I appreciate that you are taking the time to help me.
