She told you she was scared and you lectured her. Hmmmmm...
She asked you to share your FEELINGS and you didn't....
She is being thoughtful and careful and you threw blame at her....
How about: "Sorry, I really was exhausted last night. I think it does make sense to be simple and direct with the boys. The message you suggested makes sense: "We've been having problems and are trying to work through them. We love you and we are here for you, we are trying to do a better job of being here for each other."
How do I feel? I am terrified too. I panicked last night when I saw your email and became scared that you were giving up and distancing already. I am scared of the whole cycle repeating. I too long for this time to be different. I am scared of going through the pain of emotional separation again. I am scared to trust, to love, to be vulnerable, to let you see *me*. I am more scared of not trying with you. I am leery of you talking to client, paranoid that something or someone will pull you away. I am happy though, that you are reaching out for support. I am excited about what IC and MC can offer us. And, I am more hopeful than I have ever been. I am joyful about the changes I see in you -- your introspection, your willingness to change, your insistence on finding a good life for you. I too feel that this time that I am less defensive and more willing/able to change. I am hopeful that together we can find an M that offers a good life for both of us as a couple and as individuals.
So, to sum up: The idea of doing real work on our M is terrifying and exhilarating. (And, I have some great ideas on stress relieving practices that I will demonstrate on you and in you tonight.)"
