When H came home, he was still giving me the silent treatment, 24 hours later! At that point, I was so mad, I just left and didn't say much. I went to my meeting (for my very part time job) and he watched the kids. When I got home, he was over it and calling my babe and hon. After I ate and changed, I went in and sat down, pretty unsure of what was going to happen. He turned the TV off and said we should work this thing out. Finally ready to talk!
So we talked. I did my very best to focus on how much I love him and want to be with him, while still saying that we have issues to work through. He said that that is what makes him so upset, cause he is happy with things the way they are and I am not. He also talked about how incredibly stressed he is at work, and feeling completely overwhelmed. I expressed my feelings of being not that important to him and the lack of intimacy in general. I can't remember all the details of the conversation, but he generally agreed to try to be more present and said that he loves me and never wants me to feel rejected or alone. When we got this far, I didn't want to push too much, so I didn't talk about counseling. It is my nature to pull out some paper and a pen and write down specifics, so every one knows exactly where we are going, but it didn't seem like I was gonna get there without that pushing too far. While there were some tears, I also found a couple opportunities to crack a joke, and we both laughed a few times. I don't know who wrote that, but thank you! That really helped!
Interesting note...I left my copy of SSM sitting out, and it is not there now. I don't know if he read it or just put it away somewhere. I hope he did look at it...
When we went to bed, he initiated a snuggle, but a real one with both arms and actual contact and a few real kisses. However, he talked more about the kids than us. He talked about each one, and was telling me how beautiful our D is and how we are gonna have to really watch out for her (all true). I asked him why it was so easy for him to say she is beautiful, but never me. He said he figured that was just a given, especially since she looks just like me. I told him no it's not a given that I need to hear that, and often. He said of course you're beautiful, I don't marry ugly people.
So, at least we are talking. I don't know that we have really gotten everything out there, but hopefully we are started on the road. My fear is that this is just another conversation that will result in nothing. The good news is, I am not quite so miserable today and can focus on GAL and being happy.
This morning he was making lots of plans with me and the kids for things to do for the weekend. Depending on the wind, we will either be flying kites or shooting off model rockets and having a picnic. Friday is our 5th anniversay, and we'll be going out for pizza with the kids. So that's where we are now.
