Today isn't a good day. I find myself going back to my "dark place" (this is my name for my not knowing what I want from life). I can't seem to break through this wall I've created. I've been talking to my XF. Last night I told him that I was going to look into a place to call my own and he told me that he didn't want to hear it, I was stressing him, he went on and on about his issues. And, in the grand scheme of things his are so much more than my need to find a place. He really has some serious health issues. Anyway, he ripped me up again and now I feel guilty for everything....again.... I know I asked for it when I said in not so many words, that I was moving on. He said he loves me but he doesn't have the time to put into this relationship. I had his undivided attention in the past, I had everything, there was nothing he wouldn't do for me and yet I didn't even try to make him happy. And, you know what? He's right. I could have cared less. I was so beaten down by life, that I couldn't get out of my own way. So it starts again, I feel like crap, I feel guilty, I feel that I hurt someone who didn't deserve to be hurt and I don't like feeling like this. I can't seem to put myself back together. I am again feeling like I'm in limbo again. I want to heal, but for some reaason, I can't get there. I know what I have to do, yet I can't move - I'm paralized.
