I told H yesterday that I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of making plans to move back in right now. That could change in a few months if we continue to work things out. The evidence of my willingness I explained to him is that a few weeks ago I said yes to Aug, but when he resorted to old patterns of pulling away when he doesn't like something I do, and suggesting a D - I can see that he isn't ready.
I also said that I understand the pressure to make a decision with the apt lease is a problem here - but decided that it wasn't my decision but his to make. Meaning this - he can sign another year and be committed to working things out or not. He can choose to take the chance that he will have to move somewhere else if things don't work out - or that they will work out. A lot of this is up to him.
His initial response was to agree to sign on for another year but said if we don't work it out then we need a D. Later in the day he was feeling low and asked if I we shouldn't just get a D anyway because it didn't seem like I was really interested in him anymore.
I plain out told him that this is the behavior/response that turns me off and is part of the reason we are in this position now. I can't move forward with someone I cannot depend on. I will not stay in a M where I am threatened with D everytime he doesn't like what I say or do.
H response was to listen, agreed to talk to IC and AA members about this behavior and to work on it.
