Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[MrBond]

PH,

Just my 2cents, but since he decided to re-commit to the relationship, the tone of some of your posts almost expected him to cheat on you. It almost became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I think myself and some others responded that you've got to give him some breathing room or else what just happened was going to happen.

True he was wrong in not telling you about the OW playing before. But in the conversation you described above, I can see how he and you are not communicating well. You two are talking like...well, a typical male and female.

Honestly, if he knows that you read his email and has been transparent about everything so far, it would seem his interactions are just stupid mistakes. He doesn't understand the full extent of how hurt you were because quite honestly, men don't deal with emotions. I think his silence was because 1) he didn't know what else to say, and 2) he felt that if he did say anything to defend himself, you would have jumped all over him anyway.

I could see myself before in that sitch between my W and I.

"It devolved from there. I yelled, I cried, I was silent, I talked calmly. And it drives me crazy that there is no emotion in his voice and he never talks about any feelings he may be experiencing. It paints a picture of not caring to me. Yes, I have told him this."

He can't talk about feelings because he doesn't know how. In all your conversations that you've described in your postings, he doesn't talk about feelings in general. Why should this time be any different?

Maybe you two need to go to a couples counselor to discuss how to talk to each other or read one of the Venus/Mars books.

If I wanted to do something behind my W's back, I certainly wouldn't use an email address that she has access to.

"He is setting me up in this role by not being up front with me to begin with."

I don't think he set you up for the role. You're taking it on voluntarily. It's your choice. I think if he were to take the dominant role in your R, you wouldn't like it very much and go over his head. Hope you don't take that the wrong way. It just seems like you're a much more aggressive person than he is in the R side.

Just my thoughts.