Just dropping into say hi. How is the job situation going?
I can see how the photos would have hurt... I would have felt gutted too. Just recognise the tactics she uses to manipulate you and when she tries it, don't rise to it - it takes away the power she has over you. Whether it is intentional on her part or unintentional, you know what affects you and weakens you, work on that. Also, do you know where you stand legally with regards to finances. She seems to push you into stuff, don't let her... protect yourself. The Citizens Advice Bureau are really good for free advice.
I picked my son up from school and we had a really nice evening. I read his book to him, we played some games, all in all a nice evening. I am worried though as he seems deep in thought and is very clingy at the moment. Everything went really well though, we had breakfast and I took him to school.
My wife left a voicemail as I had turned my phone off, asking whether he had had a nice evening, and to tell me my daughter is due back today from 3 days camping.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
It's great to hear from you. The job front is still a real drag and depressing. I have gone back to the doctors to get some tablets today to help me.
Thank you for looking in, yes PM said not look into the photo thing too much. I cannot believe she did it out of spite, I just think this has lost her sense of perspective and logic, and we know why.
You are right in regard to my willingness to be pushed into things. It has been said before by many qualified posters and the reason is I did not want to upset my wife for fear of pushing her past the point of no return. As davidswife said to me awhile ago, what difference does it make SHE IS DIVORCING YOU ANYWAY.
I am 99% certain she is in a PA now as I had my son and she did not stay at the house last night. The only reason I mention something I do not have any control over is my mindset. As a friend said to me 'believe' she is in an affair, would you deal with finances, childrens affairs etc any diffently? I must admit it did make me think I would be a lot firmer with her and not act like a wuss trying not to upset her.
I am going to take gucciloafers advice on my 'dropping the rope' thread in Newcomers, as he has given me advice on dealing with my W but not becoming spiteful etc.
I am going to get some advice from CAB as she is attempting to get me to do something that she cannot enforce.
It does make me think though that this negativity and speed to divorce means she has settled on a new life for her and the children.
I am going to take the children (dependant on weather)this Saturday to the Spectrum in Guilford which is a posh swimming pool, wave machine etc or tennis. They have a trampolining lesson at 4.00pm.
Sunday, we have a school fete at my sons school, so we have the weekend pretty much sorted out. Thank you for asking.
Last edited by markhaving probs; 05/13/0912:51 PM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Just something to think about. I gave my husband pictures of all of us together when he was packing up to leave because I wanted him to have them to look at and not to forget us. Is it possible that she is feeling the effects of what is going on and your change of heart and doesn't want you to forget about her and how happy you used to be together? Even though she is the one leaving?
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
None of the photos included her, ONLY the children and me. She is totally fixated with excluding me from her life, even to the point where I noticed two weeks ago in the marital home there is not one picture of us together as a family, or her and I. She has also thrown away wedding place settings, my empty aftershave bottles, anything to do with me has either been thrown away or boxed.
Going, I would love to think she may be concerned about our situation, but I do not think for one second she is even remotely concerned in what, where or who. Sad, but true.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
It is 6.50am here and I am having yet another bad morning. As much as I try, every morning is the same thing. I think about my wife constantly, my children, my lack of work and future career.
My funds are dwindling to a point where I will be broke soon, and this is not a good place to be in when I am slowing trying to get my head together. I saw my doctor yesterday who perscribed some anti-depressants and has also referred me to a physciatrist to pull me out of my slump. I cannot even bring myself to open letters or even go food shopping, in fact I do not really want to leave this house.
My wife rang me on Wednesday to ask me about my son. She then went on to tell me her dentals fee she just had to pay, and the fact she required two new front tyres on her car. She told me they found two nails very close together in one tyre, she then thought my family may have sabotaged her tyres.
Unfortunately for me, my wife feels very threatened by my family as my father has a temper (not physical) but has over the years said things to my wife that has made her hate my father with a passion. There has hardly been any inter-action between my family and my wife's family, and my wife has told me on many occasions I am getting more like my father every day. She hates him so much, and with her loathing of my family, I cannot see why she would want to possibly re-build our relationship even if she wanted to. The pressure would be very difficult to bear, not just our relationship after an A, but the fact she does not want anything to do with them. In her eyes she has now severed all ties with me apart from the children and financial matters, and the pressure of having to deal with my family has also gone away.
These added pressures are another reason why I do not believe we will ever get back together, and even after 5 months I feel worse now than I did when the bomb dropped, because at least I had a job then. I seem to keeping dreaming the same dream as well - being together as a family, being on holiday, it is more of a nightmare to be honest which re-occurs virtually every night.
I apologise for this downbeat post. I do not expect anybody to answer it, I am just journalling my feelings.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Don't apologise for your feelings, it is better to talk (or type). Vent here anytime. I find it hard to talk to people in real life so this is the perfect place for it.
As you're up so early you should become a postman my father was one for 30 years! Now he thinks it is a lie in to sleep till 6!
Your wife clearly thinks you are responsible for everything that is going wrong with her at the moment. I know it is a horrible time but she will burn out soon.
You find things/ reasons that all point to not getting back together. Accept at the moment that you aren't. That is not to say that things can't change for the future. That is why you are doing all this work now, as building blocks for a better relationship in the future. You are already forging a better relationship with your kids, that has to be a plus right?
Thanks for posting again. Perhaps a postie is not such a bad idea!
When you say 'she will burn out soon', do you mean she will start to see some clarity in our situation?
I am trying really hard to try and think we will not be together, and then I slip back into getting back together again which I mist stop as it is only counter-productive.
You are so right in regard to the children, I am taking them to swimming on Saturday followed by trampolining, and then on Sunday to my sons school summer fair. My wife will not be there as she will be off with the OM. We have not spent anytime together since December and if I am in her company it feels really awkward, but she clearly does not want to spend any time with us so I just have to get on with enjoying quality time with the children. I hace also invited one of my daughters friends to stay with us as well.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I honestly would try not to think about whether you will get back together or not at the moment, just live for each day. Today, we are not together but I am going to... have fun with the kids, write a job application, go for a run... you get the idea? And then allow yourself to think long term strategy occasionally. Otherwise you are thinking in 'what if's'. Gucci, PM and others have given you really good advice, apply it to everyday life and live it.
The weekend sounds like so much fun! Enjoy your children
P.S - We all have duvet moments, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just don't make it too regular!
my father was one for 30 years! Now he thinks it is a lie in to sleep till 6!