Divorce looming #13

[jaguilar]

It doesn't mean its the end. You just need to be informed.

In Texas there is no legal separation. Your either married or divorced and if one wants a divorce...then BAM you're divorced.

[K4D]

Thanks. I know. I just really tried to avoid it. But who am I kidding. Barring a miracle... She isn't going to change her mind.

I at least have to know my rights. I'm going to ask if I can get child support also. That would be helpful.

Kevin

[PMA_Baby!]

Kev - There's nothing wrong with hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. She gave you no choice. Just take care of yourself and your daughters.

Hang tough. PMA

[runningoutoftime]

Kevin,

You need to stop worrying if you W is going to change her mind. That may or may not happen. I still believe it might not. But you cannot count on that, and I think you need to live your life as if it will happen.

I think sharing a credit card at this point is ridiculous and risky. If I was in your shoes (And I was! But we didn't share credit cards, just accounts that were changed) I would cancel that immediately and then nicely present it to my S as something I was doing to help with the D. That I wanted to make the whole thing easier. Yes, that type of stuff did upset my H, but when I was so nice and calm about things and presented it as something I was doing to "help him with the D," he couldn't get so angry (or he might get angry but I stayed calm, positive and just refused to engage in a fight). This definitely made the D, and the consequences of it very real to him.

I don't understand why you moved out of the house. If she was the one who wanted the D why didn't she move out?

[jaguilar]

You need to look out for you. You know her L is always going to have hyer best interest at hand. They don't care what happens to you as long as your W comes out on top AND the L gets their $$.

[runningoutoftime]

Oh, and like someone mentioned before, do not tell her about seeing a lawyer, who your lawyer is, or any details. In fact, your life should be somewhat of a mystery to her. I don't mean in a bad way, but you need to be "busy" (or at least her thinking you are busy). If she asks you questions, change the subject or redirect the topic back to her. Become an amazing listener and smile a lot (even if you feel like screaming at her).

[MrBond]

So how are things going today?

[K4D]

I spoke to the lawyer today. Apparently our judge is a dad friendly judge should I decide to pursue it. But my attorney told me there was no guarantee I would get child support from W and I may even lose 50/50 time with my kids. She said it doesn't look good that my W was having an A. But W was smart in not introducing the kids to OM. If she had done that, I would have had a great case against her. The judge is a single dad who had to raise his 2 kids.

But it could backfire on me as well. Because she has always been the primary parent except for this last year, I could end up with standard visitation and paying her child support if I go forward with this.

Interesting that not only has W not filed the final decree, she hasn't even filed the waiver of service my L told me. She can't file the final decree until 20 days after filing the waiver of service. And the case is scheduled to be dismissed June 4th if she hasn't done it by then.

The L said that if the kids are going to go to school where I live, then W has to make me primary resident for purposes of school and education. She can be primary for everything else. So I told W that today and she said she was fine with that to have the girls in that school. This is ridiculous because I will not even be there next year. I'm looking at buying a house after this year and it won't be in that neighborhood. So we are doing all of this for one year?

I have to sign the actual lease tomorrow. And I am still not sure W will go through with making the drive every morning and evening every other week for the kids. If school were starting in 2 weeks, then I'd nothing to worry about. But we have the whole summer for her to change her mind and alot can happen over a summer. D11 turns 12 in December and can decide where she wants to live at that point. My worry is that she feels to boxed in in the apartment and wants to live at the house with her mom.

Oh well, its only for a year. The girls weren't thrilled with the apartment after seeing the townhome that I am just not comfortable spending the extra money on while getting back on my feet. In some ways I will feel isolated living over there when the girls aren't there. Its not close to anything I am used to. But I will get out and make the best of things.

I have been going to meetup groups with the kids. I have been the only dad so far. I need to line up some meetup groups for when the kids are not with me.

Interest rates are so low right now, but I just don't have the means for a house right now. I am getting the kids bunk beds to give them more space and trying to be creative there.

The job is going ok. I am still learning reports. I got called on another possible job that might pay more today.

I think I am just trying to get used to the idea of being on my own and in an apartment. W has not changed her demeanor at all towards me.

D7 is begging me to get her a lap dog. I'm thinking I don't know. I don't know that I will feel like walking it 3 times a day.

I am going to take the girls shopping to find a comforter for each of their beds. I will let them pick them.

The girls are excited that they won't have to wear uniforms to school this year. I am to. Less money to spend on clothes.

My BIL thinks I should ask W if she is going to file the final decree or not or what the hold up is. He said she is already living the reality of it so whats up? I don't know that I want to do that. He says until I do I am living in limbo. Yes thats true. I am and I hate living in limbo. Its quite torturous. But I still don't want to ask. I am supposed to move into the apartment this weekend. Can I do this for a year of my life? I guess I don't have a choice. So I have to make the most of it.

Life is about to get started in a new direction for me. Its going to be an interesting year.

Kevin

[MrBond]

Yes it does suck being in limbo.

That's where the majority of us are. Only you know how long you'll be able to hold out.

I wouldn't call your W's bluff unless you really are done. I think she could care less right now.

[K4D]

I'm not going to call it. I'm not done.

W told me to let her know again tonite if I want her help with anything at the apartment. Again I said nope. Me and the girls are going to do it.

W and I did discuss D11 as she is turning 12 in December. W said D11 is spending every other week with me til she is 18 whether she likes it or not. She said that is a vow she is going to keep.

Ok. We'll see.

Kevin