Post away.... and that's awesome... I kind of thought I was butchering it but didn't have access to any resource material LOL! You know .... There's a lot of Zen in Star Wars.
But could never quite figure out why an 800 year old green guy hadn't learned to talk without the double negatives
So back to DB for a second. Wife have a freudian slip last night. I called daughter to say goodnight and wife got on the phone to talk about some house selling stuff. She was realting a conversation with me and said "yeah my husband was going to do that, and my husband.. and my husband.."
She hasn't use that word in a long time. Ususally switches to my first name in stories to other people. I found it curious. No hopes or expectations.... just curious. I actually almost pointed it our to her but decided, not worth the effort.
I need to get home and ask her to get the seperation aggreement back from her lawyer (it's been there for a month now), come up with a new schedule for sharing custody with my daughter and come up with a schedule on how we can do holidays with my daughter. She still has the version of we will be friends and I still want as little contact as possible after we sell the house.
So.. I arrived at the airport little past my daughters bedtime. I had a VM when I turned my cell phone back on and it was from daughter asking me to call. Knew it was too late so I just texted wifes phone with a message to daughter. Then phone rings and wife starts telling me about how bad a day she had. (it did suck) Then she asks me how my trip was and how my meeting and new job are going.... hasn't asked about my life in a long time ????
But I am thinking it is just her "having a need" again and me filling it. But the interest in my stuff was odd.
I fought the urge to say "and why aren't you calling your boyfriend about this?
Actually in a fair assessment I got off the phone and thought I was way too mellow. I need to get myself back (I mean the one I was about five years ago. I feel like I talk to her and either am on pins and needles or I am seeking her approval. Pathetic and weak.... I'd blame it on being tired and just trying to listen instead of talk but I know there is something else buried in my head.... need to get rid of that somehow... don't like it... perhaps I can use a rock????????????/
Well thanks for reading... I am off to sleep. Hope everyone had a great day!
So I still need that rock. There are three people that I want to use it on. My stbx, the jacka$$ she is seeing and myself. What a mess!
It's such a curiosity to me how the spouse can lie about it while so involved with another person.
A therapist said that it is because they still want you to approve of them. Some basic need.... Whatever???? Apporove of them???? I have an easier time aproving of Attila the Hun.
Yep... as you can tell I have once again screwed up and seen something I shouldn't have. We are getting the house on the market so I have been sitting here with the building inspector. I went out of my way to tell her to pick up the house. She insinuated that she keeps it clean and I told her that's not what I am talking about. I don't want to see any of your private things (refering to the last snooping argument).
So I go to the computer to get the wep key off the modem so I can use my laptop and see an email exchange between them. Her email was suppose to be down (something I did not offer to fix) And yes that required a little curiosity when I saw it. I could have said no, I am not going to read that. But this is the person who has told me this guys is nothing but a very close friend and I am taking it way out of context.
He is such a nice guy, "good that you want to look fo apartments there because you will be close to me and (daughter) will be close to her dad, miss you!"
there was a comment exchanged between them about me but I won't share that becasue I didn't quite get the meaning of it.
ARGH!!!
What happened to the normal part of life?
Define normal????? Running around the yard at night in boxers looking for earth worms maybe but being stuck in a never ending divorce is not.
I asked my IC once can you hate someone and love them at the same time? She said that if you didn't care about them, they wouldn't matter enough to hate. I wonder why I am fighting to get to that point - of not caring about this person.
Why hang on to this? Hmmm? That one really bothers me?
So I still need that rock. There are three people that I want to use it on. My stbx, the jacka$$ she is seeing and myself. What a mess!
It's such a curiosity to me how the spouse can lie about it while so involved with another person.
A therapist said that it is because they still want you to approve of them. Some basic need.... Whatever???? Apporove of them???? I have an easier time aproving of Attila the Hun.
Yep... as you can tell I have once again screwed up and seen something I shouldn't have. We are getting the house on the market so I have been sitting here with the building inspector. I went out of my way to tell her to pick up the house. She insinuated that she keeps it clean and I told her that's not what I am talking about. I don't want to see any of your private things (refering to the last snooping argument).
So I go to the computer to get the wep key off the modem so I can use my laptop and see an email exchange between them. Her email was suppose to be down (something I did not offer to fix) And yes that required a little curiosity when I saw it. I could have said no, I am not going to read that. But this is the person who has told me this guys is nothing but a very close friend and I am taking it way out of context.
He is such a nice guy, "good that you want to look fo apartments there because you will be close to me and (daughter) will be close to her dad, miss you!"
there was a comment exchanged between them about me but I won't share that becasue I didn't quite get the meaning of it.
ARGH!!!
What happened to the normal part of life?
Define normal????? Running around the yard at night in boxers looking for earth worms maybe but being stuck in a never ending divorce is not.
I asked my IC once can you hate someone and love them at the same time? She said that if you didn't care about them, they wouldn't matter enough to hate. I wonder why I am fighting to get to that point - of not caring about this person.
Why hang on to this? Hmmm? That one really bothers me?
Sorry to hear of the bad news ... confirmed again...... Going dark & not helping her is probably best. Remember, you're to busy GAL to help.
Yep, I've heard many times that love is close to hate. Strange isn't it. I never really hated my H, I hated his actions or lack there of, of action, but not him. Maybe my sitch would have turned out different if I had.
Why? That's a never ending question.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
bizarre.... for about two hours I felt like my bubble (that imaginary space surrounding you) was crashing in on me. funny how you can do all the math and convince yourself that life will be better without someone...but as soon as you interact with them it all comes crashing down on you.... and the pressure is unbelievable.
I want my life back!
but then things start to get better. AND (to our new friend orchid) they do....
Wife called me and told me she needed some time at work because she has to counsel several people on the night shift. (this one is for you MLC because I do listen to you) She wants me to watch my daughter for a couple of hours so she can take care of her business needs. I told her that if that was the case then I'l just take daughter for the night. she responded that I didn't need to do that and I told her that if I was going to watch her during the hectic part of the evening then I'll just keep her through the night. let me know what you want to do? You're right MLC taking care of my kids is parenting BUT helping my wife out is babysitting...so I split the difference... thanks for your insight!!!!!!
So my wife called me last night as I got home from the airport and talked about problems she is having at work knowing I just texted my daugher to say hi to daughter.
So tonight I met wife at recital and kind of ignored her as we did the swap off (don't like that word because my daughter is a person not an item). and wife stays to tell me about her day.
Then on the way home my daughter needs some stuff from the house. I walk her down to the side walk and stay there while daughter goes in to get her stuff. Wife comes out to me to talk. Odd? then she tells me more of the problems she is dealing with. she starts crying and I grab her and say it will be okay. Call me if you need to talk. I didn't really have any emotion.... I mean if you read my posts I am kind of not liking her right now... BUT honestly you're better as one of my friends that I don't like ...than most people's best friends... it's a weakness I have..ArGH!!!!
So anyways... about 10:45 she calls and asks if daughter is awake???? did you see the time? Are you drunk?????? then she starts talking to me about how rough her week is going.... and about this great opportunity in our new destination and about how great our daughter is....
I told her she is great at what she does, our daughter is a gem and kind of just supported her......
wanted to ask why aren't you calling the dude in that other state about this????
We talked for an hour??? crazy... She told me she cleaned all the toilets and the house before the inspector came. She then asked why I let the home inspector leave the oven open with the light on. Said that all the lights were on and it was going to cost her $50 ..... I told her that the inpsector didn't notice she cleaned the toilets so I pointed it out and that she probably cleaned the ove for him too..see check it out and I opened the oven door.... She laughed
and I said have to go now..... WTH???????????????????/
My life was so much simpilar 7 months ago... not better - just simpler......
But there is a beautiful 8 year old on the couch who loves me!!! that's worth a million! If I can just get over that collasping feeling??????????????
Seriously Kenn, stop being her best friend. Immediately. It's enabling her and it's hurting you.
You're right, she does have OM. If she wants to be with him then let her turn to him in the bad times too. She is treating you with serious disrespect. Is that something you would tolerate from another friend?
The dynamic to aim for is neighbor friendly and no more.
And why are you answering her calls? Your D was with you so it obviously had nothing to do with her. If it is something important W will leave a message. Turn your phone off if you have to.
I'm going to recommend you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy." Not that I've read it myself but I know many men here who say it was very enlightening.
Remember, I smack with 2x4s because I care.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I am reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and it is very enlightening as I have been enabling my wife and not setting boundaries, being a doormat etc. It shows you how to redeem your self esteem and personal power to get what you want. I really recommend it.
It seems strange to me that your W bombards you with stuff other than your D. I do not get any texts from my W that mentions her day, her problems, nothing other than the children. Is your W trying to keep an emotional tie with you so that if things go wrong with OM then she can come back to you? As hard as it is try to detach from her.
Pearlharbr is giving you great advice there and the way of treating your W as neighbour friendly is how I treat my W.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
