IRMAT, To answer your question as to why the op has so much control...simple, our runaway spouses look to them as saviors, i.e., they listen, validate, affirm and egg them on to do things that they might not have done had they been in their right minds. The op is most likely just like them...seeking someone to feed off of. Euphoria plays a major role in the lusting relationship that they have, true love is very, very different from the endorphins pulsating a high rate of speed. Think about it...young love or puppy love, people go out of their way to impress the op and will do or say anything for that special attention. Control? Yes, the op person uses that euphoria to get what they want. When the endorphins settle down, that's when the curtain on this show goes down, lights come up and the real relationship begins w/all of the warts and scars showing.
Do not worry about the control issue, it will crack some day when and if they come to their senses and they see the light of day once more.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
