The Bumpy Road to Recovery #3

[Bagheera]

Thanks for the link to the Taken in Hand website. I thinkfind your approach is more in the realm of something I can get my head around and see myself doing. Where did you coem up with the full s/a [actually D/s, I presume] and the safe word concepts? Was it from the TIH site?

Big disclaimer here, CB;

A "proper" Taken in Hand (TIH) relationship is a full-time form of Dominance/Submission (D/s) where the man RULES the relationship and household 24/7 and can use what is called Domestic Discipline (DD), generally in the form of a spanking, to keep his wife 'in line.' This is NOT what my wife and I have or practice.

In my marriage, I am expected to LEAD the relationship and household, not by dictates or discipline (except when the children require it), but by consent and respect for my wife's needs, views, and opinions --> which she has NO problem expressing ;). Also by the consent and deep -trust- of my wife, I am expected to RULE the sexual relationship, as I discussed in the previous post. That's why I was careful to say that we have a "sexual D/s relationship," which is different from a full-time D/s relationship. In other words, I shift my leadership style between simply "dominant" outside of the bedroom, to "authoritarian" inside of the bedroom, as context dictates. This is what works for us at the moment --> things have shifted dramatically over the past year, but the results have pleased both of us, so far.

The important point, however, is that it was MY WIFE who requested these shifts in our relationship dynamic. She didn't want to lead the family: she wanted me to do it. She didn't want to dominate in the bedroom, she wanted me to do it. I didn't ask her to make herself sexually available to me at all times, SHE found that article and sent it to me. And she is quite happy with these changes and I have her full consent and trust in making them.

I would, however, be VERY carefully suggesting such things as the -man- in the relationship. Your best approach is to ask your wife to work on the stuff suggested in Part II of The SSM, which includes the Just Do It! idea, and see where things go from there. If, at some point down the road, you get some clear indications that your wife wants you to be even more dominant in the relationship (in or out of the bedroom), then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Throughout this entire process open, honest, frequent COMMUNICATION is paramount.

-- B.

P.S.: you also asked about the "safe word" concept. Google it, and I'm sure you'll come up with a bunch of material. It comes from the BDSM community, but is a good system to set up -anytime- your sexual play goes beyond the gentle and "vanilla."