Oh, but I am a bit scared of actually being sexy. What if he still doesn't care? What do I do when/if someone else pays attention to me? I am so hungry for attention, but I really only want it from him.
You be sexy for you, because you are a sexual woman. Yes, it would be nice if he would respond ... it would also be nice if you didn't start getting a lot of outside attention ... but that's not the point. There's no need to dress or carry yourself in public a way that declares, "Store now open for business." It's about caring for yourself in ways that honor your sexuality, be that wearing a certain color, doing your makeup/hair/nails, learning to belly dance, wearing really slutty underwear, or whatever makes YOU feel sexy. One of the worst things about a SSM is how it can rob you of your own sense of sexuality ... but at least some of that, you DO control. And it's independent of anyone else's validation.
Originally Posted By: "mamalala"
He says we had a great time on our weekend away (we did) and we had a great mother's day (we did), what exactly do I want? He says if it had been a month and he had been a d**k to me, he could understand, but he has been really trying, so what is my problem? What is my problem? I didn't even know what to say to him.
I'm going to disagree with the consensus opinion a bit here. Only because I was there and did that with my husband. He complained in almost the same words that he HEARD me and he was TRYING and NOTHING would be good enough for me, would it? In part, that was his defensiveness talking, true. But at the same time, it had merit. I know in myself, when he started really trying, it was like I was a starving person who had just stumbled into a restaurant and just wanted to gorge myself. It was my deprivation talking. Now that a healthy physical/sex life seemed like it might actually be possible, I wanted it all and I wanted it now ..... before it disappeared somehow. It was understandable, but also somewhat disrespectful and unappreciative of his efforts.
It's a fine line .... you DON'T want to send the message that he "fixed everything" with a couple of good encounters. At the same time .... honest empathy and recognition of his efforts are in order. It's easy to go a little nutz when it feels like they're FINALLY starting to hear you ... but it can be counterproductive.
You have every right to be angry and hurt. But you will probably get better results if you concentrate on his good points and efforts and genuinely vibe in a friendly manner toward him. And a sense of humor is a Godsend, if you can manage it at all.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
