The adventure continues--the saga

[LG nm12]

What's this... "I don't have a clue about the future..."

It's YOUR future! Of course you have a clue. You make a list of "I'm going to X, W, and Z"

I'm going to meet new friends.
I'm going to meet girls, and maybe I'll like one enough to date her.
I'm going to take up karate.
I'm going to read "Moby Dick."
I'm going to take healthy cooking classes with my D so we can have fun and live better.
I'm going to paint the walls MY favorite colors.
I'm going to replace the bedding and furniture with new stuff that reflects who I am, as this is now MY life.
I'm going to wake up every morning and feel excited about what little adventure might happen.
I'm going to go for a run every morning.
I'm going to go hiking every Sunday with my D after church so we can clear our heads and breathe fresh air.

Something like that.

And you take that excitement and give it momentum to carry you through, day by day. And, when you feel stale, you look at the list and promise to do one thing on it. Or, you take a break and just daydream for a while.

You have to find YOU now, and not be afraid of living your truth. You aren't a nobody, you are somebody with preferences and desires. Make a list that reflects who YOU are.

Lucky

[AFWAW]

Ok, I have an appt w/ who is supposedly the best military lawyer in town. I know what you guys here are thinking but I'm going to call tonight and ask her what her decision is. If it's divorce, fine, if she's willing to work it out I'll go uncontested. If not, I will tell her that from now on the only communication I will accept is email about our daughter and I will disregard any other communication. If that's the route, tomorrow will be E-day(exposure day). So, wifey-poo better wake the f up quick or she's in for a rude awakening. It still boggles my mind that she gave me so much info about this guy and I KNOW if the roles were reversed, she would have turned me in already. I guess I'm just too nice of a guy and I honestly don't know why. Maybe because I believe that it could still work out--I don't know. I hope this d*ckhead is worth it to her.

[LG nm12]

John,

Why not WAIT until after you talk to this lawyer and get some of his advice about realistic options and about if it matters who initiates the paperwork?

Why push again tonight??? This is a mistake, I believe.
You're acting desperate... on that ledge again.

Lucky

[PMA_Baby!]

Ok, I have an appt w/ who is supposedly the best military lawyer in town. I know what you guys here are thinking but I'm going to call tonight and ask her what her decision is. If it's divorce, fine, if she's willing to work it out I'll go uncontested. If not, I will tell her that from now on the only communication I will accept is email about our daughter and I will disregard any other communication. If that's the route, tomorrow will be E-day(exposure day). So, wifey-poo better wake the f up quick or she's in for a rude awakening. It still boggles my mind that she gave me so much info about this guy and I KNOW if the roles were reversed, she would have turned me in already. I guess I'm just too nice of a guy and I honestly don't know why. Maybe because I believe that it could still work out--I don't know. I hope this d*ckhead is worth it to her.

John, I understand what you are feeling, but I don't get what you are saying. What if she does say she's coming home tonight. What does that matter at this point. Don't you get that she doesn't even know by her actions what "home" is. What "marriage" is. She needs to learn the hard way what she is giving up. Hopefully, someday she will come to her senses. Sorry but she is not ready right now. You have your answer. Even 3 ghosts visiting her in the night can't change her mindset right now. Just take care of yourself and your daughter. If be GOD will help her YOU can't anymore. Especially if SHE doesn't WANT it.

PMA

[AFWAW]

If she calls and agrees to everything that I want then we go uncontested and I'll wait to expose. If she won't agree as before, I will expose tomorrow as it won't really matter because we'll have to fight it out in court.

Why push again tonight??? This is a mistake, I believe.

You're acting desperate... on that ledge again.

I'm not desperate, I'm just tired. I hear what you are saying though. Haven't I waited long enough? What exactly would I be waiting for at this point?

[hooper1668]

AFWAW,
Great job...you are doing well and I can tell you are getting some of your own mojo going...don't worry about the low points, you are going to have them...accept it and use it to focus your thoughts on what you need to do. If you can now would be a good time for you to take a break from all of this. If you have some home improvement projects it would really help your mental well-being to concentrate on something else...garage storage? Just an idea...LuckyGirl is correct and eventually this will consume you if you do not have balance in your life. Take a couple of days leave and do something just for yourself. Is your pool ready for summer?

As far as the Guard your wife will be allowed to transfer if this is just an investigation and she is not formally charged and court-martialed...and she will not unless she adds other charges as she goes on with her performance. Unfortunately you cannot "punish" attitude nor change it...she will have to do that on her own. Again, I have to wonder what is she thinking? She is less than 5 yrs to retire and get a monthly check of about $2K for the rest of her life and she is thinking about the Guard and will not get a retirement check until 57 (earliest,and with penalities)...something is not right and she is not making rational decisions...I say this because her nature should be to take care of her daughter and she is not doing the things you would call "motherly". Are you comfortable she is not abusing drugs or alcohol? I am thinking out loud...just unusual for what sounds like a great SNCO on track for more promotions to have this happen so quickly...how long were you deployed? if this happened on a 4 or 6 month deployment I am shocked on how fast she changed...anyway, something to talk to a counseler about.

Protect your self legally...just because you file doesn't mean your marriage is over but it does give you an advantage. I hope you have proof soon...this will help you alot.

Your mind is going to play head games with you...Lucky has given you a ton of ideas. Don't forget your daughter...even if she appears normal she is suffering...stay involved with her life, contact her teachers and ask that they tell you if she is sad, or any unusual changes in her performance.

Make sure your W knows that under no circumstance is any of her four adultry partners are allowed around your daughter. She crossed the "parent-child" relationship line when she talked to your daughter about her adultry buddy being a boyfriend and cute.

Any word from your SS? Your family? Stay in touch with friends. How did your PT test go? Keep working on it and now is not to early to read your PDG for 10 minutes a day to get ready for your next stripe. Put it in your bathroom...I had an old CMSgt in the 80's who told me that was the only time he could study as the kids and wife would never give him any quiet time...it worked.

Take care

V/R

[AFWAW]

As far as the Guard your wife will be allowed to transfer if this is just an investigation and she is not formally charged and court-martialed...and she will not unless she adds other charges as she goes on with her performance.

That's too bad.

Again, I have to wonder what is she thinking?

I've been wondering that the whole time.

Are you comfortable she is not abusing drugs or alcohol?

I am.

how long were you deployed?

with training a total of 7 months

Any word from your SS?

Nope

Your family?

Talked w/ Mom/Dad/FIL/MIL/Sister all yesterday.

Stay in touch with friends.

Talked w/ friend in another town yesterday, next door neighbor and friend down the street.

Keep working on it and now is not to early to read your PDG for 10 minutes a day to get ready for your next stripe.

I made a 60 this time w/o studying but hey you're right probably wouldn't hurt.

How did your PT test go?

Super, got a 90, 11:27 on the 1 1/2 miles, 32 inch waist--yeah baby!!!

I'm ready to expose but don't want to do it too soon. What are your thoughts about waiting till I file. I'm thinking if she agrees to terms and it's uncontested then I wait to file, if not and I have to lawyer up, then I probably should expose right away. Thoughts on this?

[hooper1668]

John,
I was posting as you were posting and missed your posts...good on the lawyer, I would not tell your wife anything tonight, you do not have any proof, slow down, this is not a sprint but a marathon. What is a few more days going to change? It is much better for you to develop your plan. You can always change it later...talk to the lawyer. No, I do not think you are desperate, I think you are mad. You must collect your evidence...you know alot so take the time to get what you need. If you have to hire a PI then do it...if you can get an idea of her routine and when they meet it will not cost as much as the PI having to follow her....

Please, for the sake of you and your daughter...slow down, go see the lawyer, you are in the drivers seat with her leaving and setting up another house without her daughter. Don't screw it up.

If you can get her to talk about this via email you can use it...very few courts will let you use voice recordings. It also gives you time to think about your reply

There is no rush...if the OM is going TDY this week (if he is leaving in the morning they might have plans for tonight? friend/PI? to investigate (not you) it will force your wife to spend the time alone...you make plans to do something with your daughter that do not include your wife.

V/R

[hooper1668]

We are cross posting at the same time...I will wait to catch up

V/R

[LG nm12]

You sound like you're going to lay out an ultimatum tonight. "Agree to come home or else I'll serve you AND expose."

And then she'll agree to come home out of panic.

But she won't.

And then she'll have your entire playbook and will make settlement even more difficult and ugly.

And your plan is foiled again.

Stealthy, swift, deliberate. Be smart about this and stop thinking that you can force her home.

Listen to Hooper's sage, rational advice.

Lucky