I think part of this guard down, is feeling less guilty. You appear to, want what he wants (same w/my H) - so they don't feel as guilty or afraid. What is it with these men?!?!?
Just out of curiosity, when things were good, did your H talk about his feelings or desires much?? Or did he & you didn't listen? At times I think my H did & I didn't really listen. What he was feeling - obliviously he did talk about it.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Yay, eye-flirting Julia! Such brilliant news on all fronts. I'm really glad your Chairman liked your idea- I suspected he would both from the quality of the idea and the way you presented it when just speaking to me. Well done you!
Which Gordon Ramsey are you going to? I'm very jealous- I went to Claridge's once and it was the best meal of my life (and the staff were very patient even when I decided to lick my dessert plate clean!).
(((Rebecca))) I hope I get the opportunity to inflict it again
(((Lisa))) Thank you yes, I am off to Claridges too. So exciting!!
Quote:
Just out of curiosity, when things were good, did your H talk about his feelings or desires much?? Or did he & you didn't listen? At times I think my H did & I didn't really listen. What he was feeling - obliviously he did talk about it.
Hey Ms M
This is a really difficult question to answer. It is so hard to remember now and to differentiate what were his ideals and what were mine and his feelings and mine as I wasn't so aware back then.
Work and careers were really important to both of us and I think both of us have struggled to find our niche. Looking back, I think earning capacity was more important to him than me, which is why I work in the charity sector. I was very much for job satisfaction and he was to a large extent but I think now he earns more money that is a more important factor now. I think perhaps he was frustrated by our lack of money but this wouldn't be an issue now we both have better jobs. I had only started my job a couple of weeks when he left and pointed this out but at the time it didn't make a difference.
Home and family too were really important and spending time together. When he left he said it was because he wanted to focus on his new job and friends but looking at his life now, it is almost as if he has recreated our old life but swapped me. Scarily so in fact, and that makes me feel quite confused. In a way I think it shows that it wasn't so much about me as him, I think?? I have done all these 180s in terms of being non-reactional and non-pressurising and I think that is really the only thing I could have done, I don't think we had a bad life together, in fact it was really very lovely. Just that summer...
The problem of ow has been more prevalent in my mind of late. I really feel that if she wasn't here things would be a lot easier. I can see what great steps we have taken lately despite her presence but she is still there.
There is a lull before I move and before my work project starts and so I have too much time to think. When I move back to London I will really start to GAL, but at the moment it is difficult. I really want to meet new people as I find spending time with my old friends difficult as it doesn't take my mind off H - he always inevitably comes up and they don't understand (apart from Lisa who is super fab, but then she is not an old friend! ). I thought I would take the opportunity of this lull and have booked a holiday for next week, so I am off to Cyprus for a week on the 21st. I hope it will clear my addled brain a bit and hopefully improve my state of mind and get me out of this funk.
Thanks for visiting my thread. Even though TD doesn't post I want to believe that he is still reading along and keeping up with his "girls". His support made all of the difference to me.
Take care of yourself and I wish you all of the best.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Cyprus? I guess I never thought of it as a vacation destination
It is one of my favourites,although grown so much since I first started going. Lucky you, what I wouldn't give to sneak in your suitcase, which part of the island are you going to? Can I be noisy and ask if you are going alone? I keep trying to pluck up the courage to go it alone but not quite there yet.
You youngsters think nothing of it tho' I'm sure you will have a great time. Just what you need. Enjoy.
I'm going to a resort near Nissi beach with my friend. We both need a holiday! Ayia Napa isn't too far away either for if we want to party but it is far enough away for when we don't There is also supposed to be some good snorkelling round there which I love. I haven't been to Cyprus before so I love exploring new places.
I don't mind going travelling on my own, I took myself off to Singapore and Malaysia last year but relaxing holidays I do like to go with friends, otherwise it can be a bit lonely.
Lisa who is super fab, but then she is not an old friend!
and I love that I'm not 'old'
Cyprus is brilliant- H and I went there for part of our honeymoon and it was beautiful. I'm jealous.
I know it's hard but try not to think about OW- in the end H will make up his own mind about things, and she might slow things down but she won't stop him from coming back whe he decides to.
L. xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
yes, I am off to Claridges too. So exciting!! 
and I love that I'm not 'old' 