Leap of Faith

[ernest88]

BBJ..I got as lot I could say but better keep my mouth shut..

I don't see how you do it..

[mishka422]

Mike...come on....do share your thoughts. You know BBJ will appreciate it as we all need your VOR every now and then!

BBJ - you are an amazingly strong woman. Your H has NO CLUE whatsoever! Your kids are voicing their feelings, your H will think what he wants about it. I think you are absolutely right not to lie to the kids about why daddy isn't there and not accepting this as a joint decision. It definitely wasn't your decision.

Keep on keeping on!

[BobbiJo]

Hit me with it, brother Mike! I am feeling rather detach-ish today.

Really have no particular desire to see or speak to him. Course I will have to, re. the kids and $$, but that's about it. Sort of looking at my life from the outside yesterday and today and that is a weird feeling. Have to shake my head, at myself.

One more week till school is out, then it's time to meet up with a lawyer.

[ernest88]

Dan is a game player...he would also make a damn good fisherman..he does just enough to keep you on the line...

I'm sorry..I don't feel sorry for Dan anymore..I think when Dan says WAAA WAAA WAAA I'm doing the best i can.."I would respond cry me a river"

sorry BBJ..I just get pissed

Why wait a week??? It's just prolonging the process a week..

[BobbiJo]

Mike

I am waiting a week because as a teacher I can't take any more days off until the end of the year, and between night class and Nathan's karate my evenings are pretty full too.

So, I will go meet up with the attorney as soon as school is out. The kids are signed up for day care/daycamp 2 days a week once school is out. So I can drop them off and then go do what I need to do.

[ernest88]

I got ya on the teacher thing..

Dan just pisses me off..that's all..

you do realize that as soon as you file that there is a good chance he will want to "try again" I believe..

[BobbiJo]

Woah Mike you surprised me there...

(not the teacher thing, I know you 'get' teachers and how they work) ;)

I doubt he will want to 'try again'. I am betting he will either:

*Act really po'd but be relieved that I am doing the work instead of him to get the D going

*Play the victim b/c I am the big meanie who went and filed

*Do the 'sad sack' routine. The one he has done before. Where he says this isn't what he wants, but he doesn't know how to fix it, can't risk being in this place again, yada yada...but then doesn't do anything to change things

Oh well, ya never know. The only thing that will probably freak him out is that my attorney said they use "forensic accountants"?? So we will get access to all of Dan's cattle $$ dealings, and his credit card statements which I have never seen.

I find it odd that he has used thousands of our checking to pay for hotels, restaurants, and rental cars but then when the expense checks come, 90% of the time they 'need to pay my credit card balance'...So there is something going on there. Don't know if he is buying more cattle toys on his card, paying for a place for an ow, or shelling out for phone and internet escapades...ick.

Oh well, I don't really want to know. Just want to make sure he isn't skewing the financials.

[mishka422]

Oh well, I don't really want to know. Just want to make sure he isn't skewing the financials.

Definitely! Protect what is yours BBJ! I love that they use forensic accountants. Sounds expensive though.

How the heck do you find time to work full time, go to night school, and run 2 small kids around everywhere and spend so much time with them? Do you ever sleep? Just trying to figure out how to fit the possibility of going back to school into my already crazy life and I'd love to model it on someone I respect.

[ernest88]

well I believe dan will do what he needs to maintain "status Quo"..it's what he knows and seems really comfortable with IMO...

I believe the way things are now...I believe it makes him feel like he's in a very powerrful position...he's got two lives now..he seems to come and go as he wants (basically)..but has a separate life...

I would not be surprised at all for Dan to "act" like he might want to do a little work if you file....but..I believe it will be another act...

[sandycay]

I vote for option #3. You were good to say what you did to your kids. I never lied to mine (except they didn't/don't know about OW...but they didn't ask) or bad mouthed him either. He made the freaking choice.

You know like I used to explain to my H DIVORCED people don't hang out at each others homes and recreate together. They just don't. They don't grade your yard cause it will save you money, they don't pay for insurance....

Honestly, when I approached my H with D papers.... you know what he said

H: What will you do for health insurance, You need that

M: I'll take care of it out of the money you give me

H: well, that's dumb because that will just cost more money and take money from the kids

M: well, you don't need to worry about what i do with the money you give me, I'll budget it in

H: That just does not make any sense

M: So, your telling me I should stay married to you so I can have health insurance?

H: (didn't say a word)

M: That's not going to work for me because in order for me to move forward in my life, I can't be married anymore and I can't think of a more ridiculous reason to stay married to you "just so I can have insurance". (I mean it was nice that he was offering but really I do have some pride).

H: okay, if that's what you want

M: That's not what I want, it's what you chose, now here's what you need to do so this will be a cheaper process..(since he was all about saving money)

blah blah blah

Anyway, My H was always trying to save money too during the Seperation. But My DB coach says doing stuff around the house is a privledge for those who choose to live in it. Your going to have to be able to afford these things on your own anyway... why not start now. 180, 180, 180.


Blessings,