Back here again!!

[JCJ]

(((Rebecca))) I hope I get the opportunity to inflict it again

(((Lisa))) Thank you yes, I am off to Claridges too. So exciting!!

Just out of curiosity, when things were good, did your H talk about his feelings or desires much?? Or did he & you didn't listen? At times I think my H did & I didn't really listen. What he was feeling - obliviously he did talk about it.

Hey Ms M

This is a really difficult question to answer. It is so hard to remember now and to differentiate what were his ideals and what were mine and his feelings and mine as I wasn't so aware back then.

Work and careers were really important to both of us and I think both of us have struggled to find our niche. Looking back, I think earning capacity was more important to him than me, which is why I work in the charity sector. I was very much for job satisfaction and he was to a large extent but I think now he earns more money that is a more important factor now. I think perhaps he was frustrated by our lack of money but this wouldn't be an issue now we both have better jobs. I had only started my job a couple of weeks when he left and pointed this out but at the time it didn't make a difference.

Home and family too were really important and spending time together. When he left he said it was because he wanted to focus on his new job and friends but looking at his life now, it is almost as if he has recreated our old life but swapped me. Scarily so in fact, and that makes me feel quite confused. In a way I think it shows that it wasn't so much about me as him, I think?? I have done all these 180s in terms of being non-reactional and non-pressurising and I think that is really the only thing I could have done, I don't think we had a bad life together, in fact it was really very lovely. Just that summer...

The problem of ow has been more prevalent in my mind of late. I really feel that if she wasn't here things would be a lot easier. I can see what great steps we have taken lately despite her presence but she is still there.

There is a lull before I move and before my work project starts and so I have too much time to think. When I move back to London I will really start to GAL, but at the moment it is difficult. I really want to meet new people as I find spending time with my old friends difficult as it doesn't take my mind off H - he always inevitably comes up and they don't understand (apart from Lisa who is super fab, but then she is not an old friend! ). I thought I would take the opportunity of this lull and have booked a holiday for next week, so I am off to Cyprus for a week on the 21st. I hope it will clear my addled brain a bit and hopefully improve my state of mind and get me out of this funk.