I truly hope that you do not think I disapprove of what you do..it's up to you how you go about what you do in your sitch..I only caution you to not get drawn onto the coaster...
he was on that boat a while...and it appears from an outsider looking in that nothing at all changed for him...
you changed..he has not...I've said on here many times to many different people..they either come back or they don't and it's on their time line...as long as you are prepared either way then I think you'll be good..
I agree on the astrology thing--God created all, why would it not be possible to use the stars and planets to show us his plans--God's playbook so to speak. However, I am not well enough educated in the field to truly understand it all.
In retrospect, there were a couple things DH said that struck me as telling--like the comment about what type of marriage we would have. More interesting, though, is the way he hangs out here. He talks to me, cracks jokes,is here late. He doesn't avoid conversations and is pleasant. He does not hate being here and I do not believe the kids are the only draw.
I will stick around.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I truly hope that you do not think I disapprove of what you do..it's up to you how you go about what you do in your sitch..I only caution you to not get drawn onto the coaster...
he was on that boat a while...and it appears from an outsider looking in that nothing at all changed for him...
you changed..he has not...I've said on here many times to many different people..they either come back or they don't and it's on their time line...as long as you are prepared either way then I think you'll be good..
Mike--
The only coaster I am having to watch out is getting sucked into the drama between DH and the kids--because as a mom I want to protect them.
I will be honest, I knew not to expect any changes, but I did hope for them. I knew, unless he ended communication with her, he had no reason to make changes. And I was, unfortunately, right.
I did not want to live my life in a rut of self-pity and doubt, anger and bitterness. I chose to look into me and see what I needed to do to make my life different. DH will eventually get there. It is not going to be an easy road and he will have a lot of damage to repair with the kids when he comes home. But, he will know, unequivocably, thta he does not face the challenge alone. I will walk right beside him, as I always have.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
From one Stong Marvelous Woman to another - say a prayer of thanks that everyone cares so much to post what they find as helpful insight. Then pray for your ability to discern the bits that are helpful and discard those that are not.
There are many, many times that people have posted to me in a way that was well-meaning, but somewhat hostile. I've had arguments on my thread, also. When people are in such an emotional state as we undoubtedly are through our shared situations, then they write or say things in an emotional way.
I pray all the time that people will take the time to think about the situations they read and digest them before posting. That doesn't always happen. But then, if we were all perfect, we might not be here.
Do not let any of the hostility sway you, SMW. Your faith will be rewarded by Our Father and the rewards will be better than you ever imagined.
I am reminded of Jesus in the boat with the disciples. He fell asleep and it began to storm. They grew frightened and woke him. With a word he calmed the seas and then admonished them for being so little of faith as to have been frightened.
In God's time, we will both have our rewards. Keep the faith and keep posting.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Wow.. I havent seen any hostility on this thread? Quite the opposite, I see a bunch of people committed to helping SMW to handle the sitch with her H and win him back.. and how lucky and blessed she is that perfect strangers feel willing and want to do that? I for one feel humbled, blessed and deeply thankful for all the help and advice I have received over the past year+!
SMW I was a bit confused when you said this though...
Quote:
Perhaps I should stop posting here, as obviously my Christian principles are not gelling with the DB principles.
.. your beliefs have nothing to do with posting here. I think what I and maybe Mike (and anyone else? not sure) were trying to say is, you need to perhaps step back a little from your H..let go a little (and let God, as the saying goes), he needs to see the light for himself.. in DBing terms, he needs to do this, its his journey, its going to take time and he hasnt had his "road to damascus" moment yet?
I admire your unhsakeable faith, but I think you need to separate that from outcomes, as M from Tenessee was explaining. And I agree with you, he needs to get to a point that he lets go of ow before he can consider coming home.
So I still think you need to focus on creating "cognitive dissonance" in him (google it! GFI told me about it).. putting doubts in his mind. Do 180s, be funny, be his friend, dont guilt him or remind him about ow, dont mention her in fact and lastly.. have you got, or had a DB coach? I used Jody and she was amazingly helpful.
In astrological terms..your H is 35 like my bf and I assume he is having some major Pluto transit. Pluto transits are hellish..Pluto is Lord of the underworld and when a Pluto transit hits you, you are said to be dragged to the depths of hell. That might fit with yuor Christian beliefs neatly though!
But the only way out of hell is to keep walking. Pluto transits strip you bare of all the things you built up around you (money, possessions, family, partners and what you 'value') to your core, to make you face yourself. Only then you find out what you truly value and is of value. And Pluto transits take a LOOOOONG time to play at.. a few years at least (mine spanned 5).
xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
okay, looks like I started a LONG debate a while ago. I don't plan on reading it all as I will probably start it all over again.
but, I do want to clarify myself. I think it was great that SMW had this discussion with H. I think it is great that she was able to stay calm and tell him what is going on with the kids. HOWEVER, (and btw smw, I did not hear all of that! so I was a little overwhelmed at how much there was) IMHO there was too much of it being drilled in. And, if she said exactly what was written, he is going to see it as her using the kids to bring him home. that is exactly how I read it. I know this wasn't her intention, that she just wants him to realize the truth of the matter, but this is how HE will take it. Of course, it looks like there were no major repercussions from it, and because this was a 180 for her, it seems like it has been a good thing. BUT, that's where I say, don't do it again. You do these types of things once, and no more, otherwise you go down that cheeseless tunnel again. But, I am not saying this for you smw, as I know that you won't, but saying it for others.
okay, I hope I don't start another discussion, but just wanted you guys to understand that I was not against her doing this, and she's doing a great job, and we know that it is only a matter of time and we will all be celebrating with her.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
From one Stong Marvelous Woman to another - say a prayer of thanks that everyone cares so much to post what they find as helpful insight. Then pray for your ability to discern the bits that are helpful and discard those that are not.
There are many, many times that people have posted to me in a way that was well-meaning, but somewhat hostile. I've had arguments on my thread, also. When people are in such an emotional state as we undoubtedly are through our shared situations, then they write or say things in an emotional way.
I pray all the time that people will take the time to think about the situations they read and digest them before posting. That doesn't always happen. But then, if we were all perfect, we might not be here.
Do not let any of the hostility sway you, SMW. Your faith will be rewarded by Our Father and the rewards will be better than you ever imagined.
I am reminded of Jesus in the boat with the disciples. He fell asleep and it began to storm. They grew frightened and woke him. With a word he calmed the seas and then admonished them for being so little of faith as to have been frightened.
In God's time, we will both have our rewards. Keep the faith and keep posting.
I am good, KellyJo, n I appreciate you taking the time to post to me in the midst of your own stuff.
Mark 4:35-41 is a story that I have held in my heart to no be afraid when I do not know or understand what is going on. God is in control, and that is all I really need to know.
I took a break from posting for a week to process things and reflect on my path forward. I have still been in touch with DB friends--Thank you Crissy and SandyCay, for the hours of late evening calls--and I will get an update on here today.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
