You're right that is difficult not to get upset. Cut yourself some slack there too. Perhaps next time you find yourself getting upset in a convo with him you could say that you're getting upset and would like to calm down and talk later.
Mixed signals are the pits. It's really hard esp at first not to over analyze everything they say do and don't say and don't do. I'm curious about your comment on "hope". Do you not think you should have it?
If you can work it in while you're away perhaps some nice long walks (or if the place you're staying has a gym) you could work off some of the anxiousness and it would help you think more clearly.
