Day 3 of no contact with husband. I woke up in a panic this morning. He has left me and he really may not come back. I will have to deal with that fact for a long time to come.
I met a girl yesterday who was in her mid 20s and I remember being there.........thinking I was going to be living a wonderful life. I should be feeling excitement at starting a new job in a month and being in a new city. So what if H is not there. The 20 year old me would have jumped in with all her might. Now, I keep thinking, great I will have a career and come home to an empty house and no one to share anything. I will miss that.
But, I will have no memories of him there. I can just start over for awhile.....if he gives me that time......while he figures out what is going on with him. Wouldn't that be just the best case senario.
I keep thinking this morning, no other guy has ever stayed, once they decided to leave me.....why would H? I have not stayed with a guy once I have decided it was over. How is this going to be any different? They all want to be friends after......just like what H has said to me a week ago. Why does he want to be friends with me but not be married to me? Isn't marriage the ultimate friendship?
I feel like I am in some warped world where I am in this invisible war with him. Who will hold out the longest and not contact the other? I hate the NO CONTACT rule.
And I hate feeling like I am helpless.....like I am a victim. Life is hard. I really need to just suck it up and GAL!!
