Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[In Limbo]

Did have some R discussion last night and this morning. Not sure I handled it best, but mostly validated. Basically, he said he feels like for the past 11 years our M has just been a habit, that we haven't really been happy. On that issue I told him I understood what he was saying, but that I did not feel the same way. He also said that he feels like for the last 11 years he didn't mean anything to me, that everything he did was wrong, that he was nothing to me or the M. I have no idea what he's talking about and do not agree, but I listened (is this std MLC stuff?). I did not debate with him, but I did get upset, which is bad because he says he can't talk with me when I get upset. It's just so hard not to get emotional when you're talking about something of this proportion. All of our R talks are centered on me - what I've done wrong in the past, what changes I'm making that he doesn't believe will stick, etc. I guess that's pretty standard for this point?

All night I kept waking up with him holding me and kissing my forehead and such. What the heck am I supposed to make of that? I guess he still cares on some level? Maybe he thinks it's helpful to hold me b/c I'm hurting? Honestly, it seems to just make it worse b/c it's confusing for me. It's one of those mixed signals that gives me hope when maybe it really shouldn't. Any thoughts on that?

I'm leaving on travel this morning and will not see him again until Friday night. I will use this time to think about what I really want. What I want is a magic wand to go "poof" and fix it all, but since those don't exist....