New expression for you hurting. Believe none of what they say and only half of what they do. Words to live by.
WASs say some of the darnedest things. My H actually believes at this moment in time that I am the reason that he has been miserable all of his life and that I made him want to kill himself. A very warped sense of reality for sure. I have so many letters, texts, and ims from this man telling me how I have been what keeps him out of the dark spots in his life. That I have been his light. The man is depressed (probably mentally ill) and ADD. I know this and I've let him know this. Whether he eventually figures it out for himself is another story. He attempted suicide and was addicted to many substances before I ever entered his life. So, the raining theory would have to be that something is up with him, but it's so much easier to blame someone else and not have to work on himself. I can grasp this concept.
I can also understand where I messed up in our relationship as well as in the majority of my relationships. I do have my H to thank for this. His leaving has been a major catalyst for some awesome changes in myself and in my relationships with my children and with others around me. I can't thank him enough for the push. I could have done without all the melodrama and the backstabbing, but it is what it is.
I choose to love him from a distance. I choose to be the best me I can be for myself and my children. If he eventually comes around and works on himself and chooses to be with me, that's a cherry on my sundae, but if that doesn't happen it won't kill me. I will never let someone dictate how I feel about me ever again. I am the designer of my destiny. I am the creator of my dreams.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
