I'm listening. A few weeks ago I gave H a chance and it was good. What was good was a change in attitude and communication with me. His mind was more open and we were talking through differences, accepting more etc. When he reverted back to old ways, so did I. He recovered and apologized and opened up thoughts and feelings he had that blew me away in a good way. I was still the angry one and wouldn't respond right away. When I didn't, he reverted again. And then made a come back the same day. Voiced even deeper thoughts and feelings. I have been torn between not being comfortable with moving back in together and making any definitive plans for the future because of the recent changeability. He is putting pressure on me to move back in, but has added that he wants to talk to the kids and offer to work things out with them staying home if they want to change their plans. He says he has accepted his role as a stepfather, accepted we are a family and is ashamed of his prior behavior. Ashamed of how he treated his "family" by not recognizing them as such.
His words are everything I want to hear. My fears are still present, fear of living under the same roof, fear of him not being able to handle things, fear of being hurt again. My fears keep me from wanting to be close to him right now.
I have been trying to find a way to reconcile my fear of him, and wanting to be supportive of the changes in attitude. He says he will be accepting of whatever my decisions are.
After reading the feedback I think I have figured it out... see what you think...
I can tell him that i am not ready to have him move back in... I know he has to give notice in the next few weeks... it isn't my problem - it is his to figure out right? We have yet to start MC and there is no way to know how that will go. If I can't give him a date to move in - then it is "his" decision to give notice and take his chances or not give notice and deal with the separation longer than wanted right?
I have been accepting the pressure of making a decision within his timing instead of putting it back on him. It is a sucky sitch with the apt wanting 90 days notice of a move out and only offering 12 month leases at a time instead of month to month. I guess that is his problem to solve right?
I just have to express my feelings that I am not ready and let him deal with it. Right? Let me know what you think? Back to my solid self ? It feels that way. Thanks! I feel so much better!
It is true that I know I can survive with or without him, but he is finally doing things the way I wanted, with a few setbacks along the way which is to be expected. I can see tonight that my problem is that I assume too much responsibility for decisions and need to share it more. Wow... I really feel much better.
