Do I want it to be over? Interesting question to say the least. I don't think I have ever loved another like I have this man. It upsets me that I fell in love with someone who would treat me like this and do it so unashamedly. I love him and wonder if I could get to a point where I could trust him enough to make a relationship. I came home today laughing because I went through our last conversation in my mind. Nothing he has said the last few months has made one lick of sense. I wonder if he will ever wake up one day and say, "What in the hell have I been doing? Did I really say and do all of these things?"
I will be okay and I know he is not in control of my happiness. I am the only person on this planet who can control whether I am happy or not. I choose how I react to any given situation and I was the one who chose to love him. I still choose to love him. I took my vows seriously, but I do know that I can choose to love another and be happy with them too. Love is a choice. It isn't some random thing that happens to people.
I've contemplated what I would do if/when he calls, texts, emails, or shows up on my doorstep. I know that I would not just let him in with open arms. I have learned too much from this experience to just hand over my feelings to someone who isn't grown up enough to appreciate them. He has as much, if not more, to learn about relationships and love as I do.
I've also contemplated what I would do if he doesn't and I receive divorce papers. Either way, I become a better person with more life experience to add to my relationship arsenal. I win either way and that is what life is about. It's about living life.
Thanks everyone for your words of wisdom and your thoughts on the matter. Every word typed is added to my education.
Wow to all of that! Especially, love is a choice...
My H left 6 years ago and came back 5 weeks later so remorsefully and felt he had been a real a**hole. Now, here we are again. You are right that something major has to change or the call of the wild re-emerges.
If you can maintain the awesome attitude you have, you're going to be fine.
