markhaving probs dropping the rope

[pearlharbr]

Mark, I haven't posted to you before but jumping in here because Gucci's and Puppy's advice totally worked for me.

Summary of my sitch: xBF said he wasn't happy, I discovered his EA. He denied and did not want to work on our R. I tried to be the better option and wait it out on the advice of DB coach. I ended up miserable and disgusted with myself. I decided I was done and kicked him out. I went dark and focused on making myself happy. After a couple weeks xBF started asking to see me. I acted like the WAS (honestly I really was since I had decided I was done) and refused to see him until he declared that he had ended things with OW and wanted another chance. So now we are starting to see if we can work things out. I am positive that this would not be the case had I chosen to stay on the other course.

I think you SHOULD act happy when you are with her and when you are without her. You should be happy ALL THE TIME.

I do not agree with this idea PM. Why would you be happy spending time with a cheating spouse? I do agree that you shouldn't be rude to your WAS, but that doesn't mean you have to act happy to be around them. I think Gucci's suggestion about answering the phone happy and tempering that when you realize who is on the other end hits the nail on the head. Remember, the opposite of love is indifference. Treating a cheating partner with indifference sends a much stronger message that you are over them than being happy around them.