Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

Saturday night was fun. I am become friends with one Woman I met there and I think she will be a great person to go do things with. We might go to Ballroom/Latin dance lessons this Wednesday and we're going to a murder mystery brunch on Sunday. I hated the thought of going alone and it would be great to have someone to go with.

Sunday however was awful. It was Mothers day and our Anniversary. 12 years. Luckily I didn't remember the anniversary part while W was there dropping off the kids. She stayed for about 30 minutes opening presents and watching a part of survivor she missed. If I had remembered I'm sure I wouldn't have been as upbeat and happy and would have made things akward feeling. So it was a pretty positive encounter. The bad part was later when I remember that it was our anniversary. I was pretty weepy for practically the whole day. I had to try really hard to not let the kids see and was very lathargic. Had to go to my parents for dinner and all I wanted to do was go home take a hot bath and go to bed.

Monday was like Sunday. I had the day off and did a lot of crying. I am definitely in one of my downward cycles.

On a positive note. All my interactions with W have been positive and I've been upbeat.

Today I had to go for a drive because I was having a hard time not crying. It was thinking about W and OW and whether she loves her and if we reconciled could I trust that she didn't still love her and only came back because OW broke it off. And around and around like that. The Anniversary really threw me for a loop. She was my rock and the person I trusted most on this earth. It was and still is unimaginable that she could do all this.