Seperated

[xalelle]

Litl,

I just spent some time trying to read up on your thread. There is a lot going on here, and I think that you need to learn a bit more about what DBing is all about.

Before I point out some mistakes, let me first say we ALL make mistakes, and it is ok - we just need to learn from them and not make them again. When you get good advice here or look at your own posts and see where you went wrong, commit to yourself to not make the same mistake again.

Your W has shown several times that she had not closed the door.. until you start to pursue and pressure. YOU MUST STOP THIS. Go back and read your own thread, you will see exactly where W pulls away, gets angry, slams the door.. and right before that you will see your mistake. LEARN FROM THEM.

Buddy, things are not over until they are over, and your W has shown more light than many sitches you will read here, so stop obsessing on her. Man, I KNOW IT IS HARD!

You also absolutely must stop trying to make her see your changes, stop trying to get her to think differently, stop trying to discuss things with her rationally - this will get you nowhere but hurt! Back away, work on yourself. The ONLY way to recover a damaged M like this is to work on what you can - YOU. there is NOTHING you can do to change W or make her see a chance. That will have to come to her on her own if and when it does.

Go back and find your positives:
No D filed yet (and even if it does, dont dispair, that is not the end either)
W upset about failing communication with others besides you - LEAVE IT ALONE they are things she needs to work through.
Improving yourself
Improving your relationship with your S.

I really liked reading about her sitting with you for the ice cream. You have to let her drive on things like this, dont look at them as opportunities to try to change her mind, just enjoy and let her enjoy and let her see that she still enjoys your company - if you keep dragging her back into the ugly R discussions, then you are just making her see what she dosnt want.

You dont want the old M, so stop talking about it. If it helps, imagine she is someone you are not married to, and you are trying to be the kind of person she may want to date. You wouldnt ask a date about marriage and love, so dont ask her.

Hang in there buddy, the roller coaster is brutal. But you will become better if you work at it, and no matter what you will end up ok. Work towards OK, and dont make OK dependant on W.