6 - Wow - this is so darn similar it's scary. MY STBXW "broke" off her EA 3x. She just kept gravitating there. And acted and said the exact same things your W is saying to you. Especially about counseling. Eventually she wouldn't go anymore because the MC was focusing on her. We had the exact same car ride.
Don't listen to anything she says about not trusting you - she's projecting. She doesn't trust herself. She's very confused.
There are two trains of thought here. Neither one is easy. One, you drop the rope, let her go and do her thing and lovingly detach. Focus on you and the kids and be prepared for anything.
Two - play the understanding H. Unconditional love. Think about what Sandi wrote to you. Be prepared for some of the toughest emotional times of your life. Get close to her, just listen. Dont fix. Just validate. Be her friend for now. It will take a while.
I will say this. I tried both. When I did the unconditional love thing - it was working but it was brutal. You get complete insight to just how selfish they are right now for whatever reason. I had to stop doing it though. Because my kids were starting to be neglected. But during that time she would open up to me, little bits at a time. If I had read what Sandi wrote to you it would have helped tremendously. Because I caved and let her go.
Once I let her go, that was it. I lost that connection with her. And she went back to the EA. I'm not telling you what to do. Your W is not my W. Believe me, both choices suck. You have to figure what is the best path for you and what you can handle. And set boundaries for what is acceptable and unacceptable. And she will test you with those limits. Like mine and FIB and others - traditional DB doesn't always apply here. For me, I wish I had a do over. I would have done things differently.
And you'll know if and when her EA ends. She wont have to tell you. You'll see it.
Good luck bro - you are in for one heckuva ride. But you can handle it. You will put up a fight for your family. It's worth it.
Strength and Honor.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
