Tomorrow is D-Day

[bearsfan45]

Oh God yes JMC, I read a lot of the stories and a good part of them are really crazy and shocking. It really is amazing. Also sad. Talked to her daughter today and she thinks her mom is starting menopause. I asked her if she was purposely trying to wreck my day. LOL! I was kidding of course. The relationship between daughter and mom is strained. Its going to get even murkier in the next few months. Ha! I've heard the term Gladiator school. That term applies perfectly here, because if you can survive this, you can survive ANYTHING. DDay.....Don't know if we have talked....was in newcomers until I um, cough, 'graduated' to this forum. You are the second one to mention that after the divorce issues are solved, it clears up some things. Makes sense, especially if they are really determined. Plus, I think the post-divorce period MIGHT be where they start to have second thoughts or regrets. Start a thread....it could help. It does me. It don't make the problems go away, but its a great vent for me as I have to hide my intentions from friends and family. I also think you're not going to find any better advice then here.IMHO. At least nobody here has told me to "find another girl" like I've heard from someone I know.

[dday101798]

Well, thanks for the encouragement BF45. Hope you're right on that advice part, this gets all too confusing with every little tweak in the plot, so it seems.

I will say, the more that gets resovled by an outside influence, be it counselor, or in my case, judge, the more less diffuse the situtaion seems.

[JMC]

Gladiator school.

Ha! Have not heard this one before, but would agree that it certainly fits.

[bearsfan45]

LOL. YES IT IS...Its getting even more bizarre too. Her daughter and her are fighting just about every other day now. Mainly over money. Ex didn't even open her mother's day gift. Wow. Her daughter texted me about an hour ago saying it's bad over there. I know ex needs help, but nobody from her family will step in to say so even though they see the self-destructive path that she has been on. Oh brother.

[dday101798]

Its getting even more bizarre too. Her daughter and her are fighting just about every other day now. .

You know, another thing I have noticed is the less I entertain a fight with my STBX, the more hostile is she is towards other's. That's how our last few phone conversations ended, me saying "if you want to fight with someone, I will hang up so that you can find someone esle to do so, I see no point" and we do end up hanging up. In turn the is quite a an escalated hostile envoirnent between her and our boys when I see them all together.

uggh.

[bearsfan45]

Oh really...That is too bad. Ouch. Well, I hope that comes to an end. I had to go through that sh*t when I was a kid and it wasn't fun. I don't carry any grudges about it, yet I do remember the epic battles. This could be a form of 'projecting' if I understand the term correctly. It pretty much means that you are taking out your hostilities and such on others. I have also read several posts warning not to get dragged into a fight and to avoid them at all costs. Some of the stuff that her daughter has told me just blows my mind. Ex is hostile. I mean REALLY hostile. Now I can see if a kid does something like steal money from a parent or something along those lines to warrant this behavior, but that has not been the case. She is a VERY angry and frustrated woman right now. I have not talked to her in a month, and it looks like that is a very good thing.

[bearsfan45]

Oh, just to add on: This may or may not be a coincidence: I have no clue, but ever since I decided to quit playing the friend role, it seems that's when it began. I decided that it was too one-sided. She would call me when it was convenient for her to see me and it usually entailed me buying us dinner. It was a 'feed me and then go home to your place' type of deal. She was having her cake and eating it situation. Plus, the last few times, she wasn't exactly 'in a nice, friendly mood so I pretty much said to hell with this. Thinking back, if I had been on the other end, I would not have too much respect for that person. She emailed me and said"If you want to end it, fine" Meaning the sit I just described. I emailed back saying "END WHAT???" Me being treated like a sucker? Not a smart way of handling it, should have been more mature and in control, but I still make my mistakes also. This DBing is one crazy business. Oooooh, that woman has the capability to piss off the Dalai Lama.

[dday101798]

I hear ya. It's taken me a long time gain that maturity and control, but belive me, if she is po'd now and you aren't even talking, wait til the day comes when like me, you do talk, and she wants to argue and you do as I and tell her to find someone else to argue with, there is no sense in it and talk to me when you are done. NOW THAT pisses her off to no end.

As far as the kids go, I was the disciplinarian in the M. She could never handle them, and now that she can't (or isn't supposed to) drink around them I can only imagine. Then for a while she felt that it was fitting for OM to take my role, ohhh hell no, that came up really quick in court. So now, she wanted custody, she got it and all the responsibility that goes there in.

pretty funny, Saturday when I picked my boys up, they were all in a yelling contest. STBX comes at me "he is being a complete jerk! He needs his attitude checked! about S10. S10 starts to fire back in defense, and I just calmly said, hey, get in the truck and leave your attitude behind please. He did, after a few reminders and even apologized to me and that just sent her into a frenzy.

In your situation, perhaps you are right and lack of communication is a good thing, not only to avoid uneccessary confrontation, but also as you point out, to stay out of other issues that don't even really involve you (fight with D), and lastly, to work on self control. I know how it easy it is to slip, we all do, an I had my fair share of foul ups, but guess what? Not any more