Ok, no contact from the wife at all yesterday. She didn't even call my D. That's a sign to me that I need to go through w/ what I'm about to do. She needs help. I thank everyone here for their thoughts and concerns. I realize that I may lose my wife forever by reporting her but it really bothers me that I've thrown my heart at her and it's been stomped on repeatedly. She is wrong in so many ways. I understand about the hormones and the "in love" stage of the affair and there is nothing I can do about it, I know and it frustrates the hell out of me. I have given my wife numerous opportunities to come home. This is not going to be easy. I am scared beyond belief and worried for my wife's future. Yet, I feel I must do this as I care for her deeply and it angers me beyond anything I have ever felt that she will not listen and choose logic over something that is destructive and fruitless. I did not get very much sleep last night. This madness has got to end. I pray that I am doing the right thing. I'll be checking this board before I go to talk to my commander. If anyone and I mean anyone sees a valid reason, other than the ones already stated, I implore you to state them. If I don't hear anything, I will press w/ my decision...
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
You are talking like you are ready to jump off a ledge. I'm gonna do it.. I'm gonna do it. Just watch me!
This may be the worst "betrayal" that you've ever considered doing in your life, because you are a good man, but it isn't the worst thing that can happen.
You are talking like you are ready to jump off a ledge. I'm gonna do it.. I'm gonna do it. Just watch me!
And that's exactly the way I feel. This has got to be the hardest thing I will ever do.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
The only thing I would suggest is that you review/reassess/reevaluate the "frame" you're going to use when you bring it up.
My good friend A is having a very important meeting today. Yesterday we talked about the last such meeting he had. He went in to it, full of p*ss and vinegar, to explain to his superiors just what they were doing wrong, how they were missing the big picture, and how they were messing with his mojo as a result.
Ummmmm -- maybe not the best approach.
Think about this -- you're not doing this for YOU. You're not doing this for REVENGE. You're doing it for the GOOD OF THE TEAM. And for YOUR D. Let the First Shirt and/or the Commander point out that it's against regs, that it's immoral, yada blah. You're just about the RIGHT and the WRONG.
"I have to confess, sir, I've been very reluctant to bring this up the chain, and I've sought a lot of counsel on this meeting. And I'm still not comfortable with it. Because as far as I'm concerned, sir, WAW can be transferred to The Rock to pound sand. But this isn't about me. It's about the squadron/wing/whatever -- Umpty-Ump people know it's going on. It undermines Colonel Schmedlap's reputation. It undermines confidence in the Senior NCO Corps. And at home, sir, it undermines my D's belief in marriage, in honor, etc. etc. Frankly, sir, I'm not even sure I'd bring this to your attention if I were single or if we were married without kids. But it's gone on so long, and Tech/Senior/Master/Whatever Sgt WAW is so blatant about it......"
In other words, make it about a problem that commanders have to deal with -- not about an unhappy NCO who's (a) retiring and (b) getting cuckolded (from commander's POV).
AF - I fully support exposing and wish I would have with my X who continues to disgrace me and my family with her affair. I should have gone to her supervisor. She made the CHOICE to be IMMORAL NOT YOU!!! You are just deciding NOT to ENABLE her any longer. I think this is a cry for help and you are finally answering her.
"I have to confess, sir, I've been very reluctant to bring this up the chain, and I've sought a lot of counsel on this meeting. And I'm still not comfortable with it. Because as far as I'm concerned, sir, WAW can be transferred to The Rock to pound sand. But this isn't about me. It's about the squadron/wing/whatever -- Umpty-Ump people know it's going on. It undermines Colonel Schmedlap's reputation. It undermines confidence in the Senior NCO Corps. And at home, sir, it undermines my D's belief in marriage, in honor, etc. etc. Frankly, sir, I'm not even sure I'd bring this to your attention if I were single or if we were married without kids. But it's gone on so long, and Tech/Senior/Master/Whatever Sgt WAW is so blatant about it......"
In other words, make it about a problem that commanders have to deal with -- not about an unhappy NCO who's (a) retiring and (b) getting cuckolded (from commander's POV).
BINGO. Great stuff, SP, and dead on.
Already prayed for you this morning, John. You can do this -- STRENGTH AND HONOR.
Well, no luck w/ my friend getting a name for me. This is going to be more tricky than I thought. Hopefully something can still be done. We'll see.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Maybe, but she has stated that she is going to continue to have the affair w/ this guy until he moves in Oct.
That's what she says, but we all know how much to believe of what they say (hint - zero)
Quote:
What other options do I have? Let her continue and be a doormat?
It's not letting her continue, she will do that with or without your approval. Being a doormat is a different story. You could issue one of Puppy's famous 'truth darts' and say something like "I will not continue to be disrespected like this, and will not allow our daughter to be exposed to your adulterous lifestyle"
Quote:
Seriously Song, do you think I'm doing the wrong thing? I'd really like to save my marriage but I honestly don't know what else to do.
I honestly don't know. I am certainly not an example of successful DB'ing, so take what I say with a grain of salt. The only point I am sure of is that if you do expose her officially to her command, that card has been played and you can't play it again, regardless of the outcome. Just be absolutely sure of that is your decision. My prayers are with you friend.
Ok, it didn't go as expected. My CC didn't pick up the phone and start going to town. He did however take detailed notes and asked me how I wanted to proceed. I told him my concerns and told him I wasn't exactly sure. He told me he had 2 options. He asked me if I intended to file. I said I wasn't sure at this point. He said ok, if I do this, do you think things will go your way for the divorce? Ok, I got this now. I said, I see your point. He said ok, again, are you going to file. I said, I tell you what sir, I will call the wife and tell her tonight that if she intends to file, let's get the paperwork and get this done as I'm tired of waiting. She has already stated that she would give me whatever I want. Then, once the paperwork is filed, you can press w/ pursing this. Is that acceptable. He said, because this allegation wasn't against one of his people, he had the option to do that. I threw this at him next, I said, say I have this conversation w/ my wife tonight and she says I don't want to file, I want to come home and work this out(I told him that's not likely but lets just say she did say that). He said, well, if that were to happen and you were to come in here and said I didn't understand what my wife was saying, it was a mis-understanding then I would be under no obligation to do anything. He said, my concern is for your well-being and your daughters. He said if you can get her to file and give you everything that you want to include your daughter and then you want to proceed that he thought this would be the wisest route to take. He said it sounds like you've been more than accomadating w/ your wife. So then he said, is this how you want to proceed. I said yes. So, it looks like the wife got a temporary reprieve. This absolutely makes sense to me and now I have more time to get this scumbag's name. I still want to call his wife and my CCs response was "hey, it's a free country". I told him that I felt like I couldn't trust any LtCol out there and he completely understood and was highly pissed off and wants to see this LtCol taken down as he is the same rank. WHEW!!!! I feel better and worse. So, next course of action--call the wife tonight and ask her if she's ready to file. Any thoughts???
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
