Thank you Kenn for your response. It helps to know someone is out there....with the same basic goal and on my side.
I know this is my problem and I am trying to use this blog as an outlet and a way to work out things that are going on in my head. It is crazy, but I can just sit in one place all day and just keep thinking about this. I have to make a really conscious effort to not be that person. I know that I am more than my marriage.
I think focusing on myself is a more difficult process than I thought it was going to be. I am usually focused on everyone else. It feels "foreign" and definately uncomfortable to be concentrating on myself.
I started reading a novel and I can read about a page before I find myself spacing out, trying to come up with some plan to get H back. Its desperate! I know it.......I just don't know how to stop my mind from going there.
I feel like I am just holding on......and any minute I am just going to become a big ball of tears. It accomplishes nothing.
The only thing on my agenda is to work on myself. I am a caretaker.....of others.....not necessarily myself. Sigh.
