PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Kev and JCL,

Thank you very very much for your posts. For the past week, I have kept your wise words in my head and is trying to live by them.

Kev, thanks for saying that the dumping of me is a necessary step towards recon. I am not getting my hopes up, I am just sensing what the vibe is now and it is definitely more friendly. He used to talk to me only in business tones. Now it is much softer and kinder. A big difference. He is also signing his e-mails too. Small change but I noticed it.

JCJ, my C said that same thing you did. That we shouldn't talk too much about the past but build up new memories to push the past away from their visions of us. If he is feeling more comfortable towards me then we can actually talk about more substantive stuff, not necessary R talk but emotion-related, like family and how we feel about non-threatening subjects. If he can share emotionally with me, then maybe he will remember how close we used to be, and how nice it was to talk with me.

What the DB coach said to you was true, I have been trying to show him that he doesn't have to fear my reactions anymore. I will not get mad at him through my actions, I will control my actions.

I have not talked with my MIL for a few months now but we reconnected last weekend for Mother's Day. We started talking about H and me and I tried to tell her about the C session. She couldn't believe that H would never introduce kids to her. Her words were, 'How is that ever going to work? She will NEVER meet the children? Is he going to separate the different parts of his life?' That's exactly how I thought. I think that she assumes that he has made the 'final decision' and is trying to get on with his life the best way he can. But we DB'ers know that WAS (especially MLC ones) are not thinking straight. She doesn't know this so she is incredulous. She was also trying to tell me that my H will not get an oppty to be with kids if I move. I know that. But I also told her, that is his choice ultimately because I would like to stay together as a family. If we can't then I will move home to MY family. She conceded that it would be less stressful for me if we moved back to be with my family. But she is worried that her son will not get to know our children and vice versa. I kept trying to tell her that it was his choice but it wasn't going in since she is insistent that her son has left for good and ultimately my choice.

We talked about how unhappy my H was. She agreed. We talked about how his relationship with OW cannot be very fulfilling for OW because my H doesn't have much to give. We also talked about how stunted their R must be since there is no way their R can expand if he keeps her in a box, not allowing her to share in his life. We both agreed, how is this going to work. Then I said, 'That's why affairs don't last.' I think she kind of hope something works out for her son so that he can be happy. But she commented that he has lost his way and doesn't know how to be happy anymore. I told her it's ironic how I am the one who had been cheated on and I am leading a happy life.

It's very very strange. I am going on yet another interview this week for an additional freelance job. I don't know if I will take it, I will meet the people and see. But in addition to my various jobs and new book deal, it's really a good year for me work-wise. I don't make a whole lot of money but I am getting tons of experience, meeting new people and all this work and achievement is giving my self-esteem a TREMENDOUS boost. And I did this all myself!

Mark, if you are out there, pursue those parttime jobs, they are opportunities!