I found this site and I believe it is exactly what I need.
I have been married for just over 10 years. Over the course of those 10 years both my wife and I have done numerous things to inflict emotional pain on each other.
I have spent way to much time on the internet chatting with other females in a not so dignified way as well as problems with pornography. On way hand its sad to say the following and on the other it is a positive... I have not had any internet problems since January of this year. However using the computer at home for work from January until the end of March she still constantly was worrying about what I was doing.
The week of Easter (April 7th), I started wondering about a few things my wife was doing. She is back in college and has had for the last few years "study groups". Up until the week of Easter this year I have never had a reason to not trust her. The first disturbing thing was that she told me on the night of April 7th that she would be studying at XYZ friend's house and would be home by 10pm; I thought ok, no big deal. Well 10pm passed and finally around 12am I called her cellphone to make sure she was ok and she was quite caught off guard even asking what time it was. She said that they had been working alot on the friend's project and that they got a late start on hers but that she would come on home. I stayed up till about 1:30am and she still wasn't home. I went back to bed but stayed awake and called again at 2:00am. She was like ... I am leaving, I will be there soon. When she got home I was quite ticked... this was my wife.. the woman that couldn't stay up past 1:00am and she wasn't even home at 2:00am??? Needless to say that I did the juvenile thing and once I heard her key in the door, I acted like I was asleep. She washed up and came to bed by then it was around 2:30am and she heard me sigh and rolled over to snuggle me and tell me how sorry she was and sorry that she was taking advantage of me taking care of the kids while she was out. The next day ... I stewed and let her stew in it until I came home from lunch. Finally I let her know that everything was ok... I was just concerned about her safety but that I trusted her.
Fast forward to Easter Night... the 12th of April. I had checked her email on Thursday night the 8th and noticed a Myspace Friend request to add from an ex bf. The night of the 12th I started having really bad feelings and I checked her Myspace page and it read - "Missing You" ... I thought what the heck... I am right here... I checked his... and it said... "Missing You too". I immediately told our kids that they needed to go onto bed that mom and I needed to talk. I walked outside and laid into her about what I had just found. She denied... denied and denied... denying... any and everything. Finally when she spoke she told me that she wanted out... that I had hurt her so much over the course of 10years that she didn't love me anymore and that she wanted out. (flashback... on March 24th she gives me a card that has written inside of it... I could never imagine my life with anyone else... I Love you forever...) We argue and finally go to bed. I woke up earlier than normal and realized that I needed to get into her myspace page and see what they had been talking about. I got up and had an email sent to her email showing the password and I went into her myspace account and found messages that dated back to April 8th. They were BAD... I woke her up with the laptop in my hand and said get up we need to talk. She ended up saying... "If you want us to have any chance in this you need to delete the account"... well I did want to save the marriage so I did.
Over the course of the week of the 13th through the 20th she ended up coming back to the I want out part. She had agreed the week of the 13th through the 20th to with me give our marriage over to God and go to counseling and see if we can work things out but with her staying in the home.
On Monday, April 20th... around 4pm I got another funny feeling and I left work and headed home... calling her cellphone as I drove home... no answer. As I drove up - no vehicle. I turned the key in the lock and heard and BEEP from in the house and I knew it was her cellphone from where I had called. On the counter was her cellphone, checkbooks, debit card, and a note that said she couldn't do this. She didn't love me and that she had taken the children and gone to her parents and that she would hope to meet with me on Wednesday to discuss arrangements with our children. I was distraught!!
By Wednesday the 22nd of April I had run the cellphone and home phone records and it was sickening. She had even called him from our home phone on Sunday the 19th when I was at church with our children. I also added up the call times and dates that in the last 3 weeks she had been at "study group" and I knew in my heart that not only had she been meeting him but that they had slept together. I met her at noon on that Wednesday outside at our house and I let her know that I had run the records and added 1 plus 1 and gotten 2 and that I knew they had slept together. She did not deny it.
Since the week of the 20th I have been able to keep the children overnight acutally a few more nights than she has.
She has let me know that she has no intentions of stopping seeing him and that she loves him.
I ... after 10years of marriage and many many many mistakes and bad choices in my marriage am ready to FIGHT for my marriage. I have been reading this forum for a bit over a week now and feel like I am doing the right thing in standing guard over my marriage while we go to counseling and just work on myself and hope that one day before it's all over that she will see all of the changes and have at least and interest in reconciling.
