You know.. this whole divorce thingy is not much different than the Twelve Steps.. or anything else that happens in stages of understanding and revelation.
Well, Whatis took STBX and kids out for Mother's Day dinner. We had an enjoyable time together and STBX told me where she was going to take me for Father's Day dinner. D's birthday party and sleepover was an exhausting success and STBX was pretty wiped out having had 9 12 year old kids running wild in her home for the afternoon and overnight. The kids were up until 4:00 am and then all headed out early in the afternoon for a gymnastics class. D was pretty much zombied by the time I picked her up to head out for dinner. Now when I arrived on Saturday for the party (with my strawberries) I found STBX with a houseload of kids, a flooded bathroom and in the midst of fighting off a living room full of ants! She had also just returned from having her car repaired as someone had tried to break into it the previous day! She'd also been battling the flu all week. I offered to stay the night so she could get a decent nights rest but she said she'd be OK. I came over the next day and helped her clean up the remains of the house. So on Mother's Day I felt she deserved to have a dinner out. What a wacko weekend!
Stop trying to date people other than your W, it isn't fair to anyone. And no, not because you are legally M. Because you are still all about your W and still very much in that R. You have neither let go, nor moved on, nor gotten to a place where you are emotionally D.
Hm, I didn't realize I was trying to date anyone! As far as STBX, I don't spend time thinking about her at all. We do what we do and that's that. I have no romantic fantasies about her nor do I have any plans of pursuing a R with her. Can we be friends, who knows. I do know that my family works better when her and I get along. That is what matters most. BTW, I'm ditching the Hot Yoga nights with her because my body just can't take it! OT, are you thinking I'm trying to date my woman friend? Not so, we've been friends for 15 years, worked together for 10. We're just friends and we're both clear on that!
Do we still have to go through this again ??? No offense but .. no offense. Have you been hanging out with other women while your marriage comes to an end and hits the toilet , Wii ?
I want to know this . so I can chastise you and be holier than thou ! Have you been having hot chocolate instead ?
Good Grief and ... Hang in there buddy.. You are doing a good job. Kiddos and Kuddos on the MD thingy..
How'd you know about the hot chocolate, AT? That was supposed to be my sordid little secret...I'll bet you still don't know about the marshmallows! Well, you didn't know...until now.
Glad to hear that you aren't trying to date -- it just sounded like you were on the prowl to me. But, that impression is just from a quick glimpse every now and then. You are sounding good, so I just didn't want you to see you set yourself up (or anyone else) for another bruising. Stay on the upward ride for awhile :-)
As for you not being all-about-W, well, I think you are a wee bit mistaken there...
AT,
Trust me, they wouldn't let me near the holy water, so there is little danger of holier-than-thou. I have no problem with people dating when they are separated and getting D, when they are really done and emotionally D. Which, despite his protestations, Wii does not seem to be.
Look at it this way, any woman who was dating Wii would be sickened to read this board and see how all-about-W Wii remains in many ways. That's a pretty good sign that it really wouldn't be good for anyone for him to be dating. If you recall, CB took Wii down more notches than she took him up, and for a longer period of time. Ancient history, sure, but it is always good to learn from the past.
Peppermint sticks! Hadn't really thought of that but... As far as your thoughts re STBX, I consciously have no thoughts of trying to get back with her. We have a different kind of R now than we've had for years. I do what I do with her because I choose to do it, not because I'm obligated. She knows that anything I do for her or with her is on my own accord. She actually appreciates things now. But, she's still much the same person she was when we were together and I still see that loud and clear. She's still tied into the "Woe is me" worldview and still has difficulty seeing that her choices put her largely where she is today. She's not a person who can put the other person in a R on an equal footing with herself. Would I want to go back to what I lived in the last seven years with her? FORGET IT! But hey, in my subconscious who knows whats happening. I'm just content to have a cordial arrangement where we can have good family times together. Btw, the only woman prospect I've had I decided not to pursue because she was 20 years younger than me, never married, no kids and it just didn't seem like a good idea to me, so I moved on. I've got some self control! Now where do you buy those peppermint sticks?
