New to all of this

[sandi2]

Hi, sure glad to hear that you are feeling stronger and more like your old self. You will find, however, that you will have up days and some down days. Talking about putting things on paper or writing a journal.....why not write some positive things down on those days you feel stronger? Tell yourself why you are a strong woman and what you can accomplish by DBing in your M. Write all the strong points that you know about yourself and what other people have said about you. Keep that to read when you have a "down" day and I think it may help you to find some strength to carry on.

You are sooooo blessed to have two good friends. I once read that if a person has as many as three very close friends in one lifetime, that they are very blessed. At first, I thought that if I didn't have a ton of friends that it just wasn't near enough.....something was wrong. But, as I grew older, I discovered that what I read was very true. "Real" friends are very few and far between down through life. So, you ask your friends to allow you to blow off steam to them instead of your H and then it won't stay bottled up in you--ready to explode when you're at home with him. You can also come here and tell us that you just need to vent (and that warns everyone to back off.....lol). It does help to do that.

I believe that your H going to "think" is probably a good sign b/c he will realize that he doesn't have the finances to pay for another place and keep everything up and going. He may even tell you that he wants the two of you to act as though you are separated but will continue to stay under the same roof and he will sleep in the basement. A lot of couples do that b/c of the financial problem. Well, that is okay b/c it buys you the time you need. I don't say this to make you worry more....okay? I tell you this so you will be braced in case he does tell you something along those lines. What he really wants is just to get away from everything, but he doesn't know how. So, just try to be patient and keep a warm, sweet spirit b/c if you show him an angry, resentful, b*tch......then he will probably find somewhere to go if it is nothing more than an outhouse! It is really hard to be sweet when they are acting like jerks, isn't it? However, if you will try to stay focused on the end results (positive results, of course) then I believe it will help a lot.

As I said before, your attitude is what will be the most important attribute to this entire stitch. If he sees his wife with a positive mental attitude and staying upbeat and going on with her life and acting as if she is going to enjoy life with or without him......it will get his attention. If you will give him space and not hang on him like he is going to melt like a snowman......he will be relieved. If you pull back a bit and yet act a little saucy and sexy......well, you get the idea. Remember, men want what they can't have quite so easily, so you need to become a little less available and dependent on him.

I am impressed with how you have not called and "checked up" on him. I know that is not easy to do when you are wondering what is going on with him. But you did the right thing.

The trip with the boys sounds good. I would, however, let him know that he is invited but that you understand if he feels that he needs to stick close to home for his parent's sake. It is all in how we "word" things that makes the difference. I am certainly not the best at it and you probably know a better way to say it. The point is to let him know he is not being rejected in going on the trip.

To go to your sister's this summer is great! It will give you a much needed break from the stress and from your H. You know, I think it does a couple good to do that once in a while and especially when things are tense at home.

In Limbo is right about sleeping and eating well b/c you must take good care of YOU. The exercising is one of the best things to get rid of stress and also get a great body.....
Keep up the good job.

Talk to you later,
Sandi