Yeah. I'm ok. Had to move my spouse out of the house and take care of the kids and their emotions.
More later.
aj
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I just read your post over at A&K's. I hope your kids are OK. I've done that and I know how helpless you may have felt not being able to protect them from the pain. Things do get better. Your emotional state matters to them so much at this point... xxx K
UPDATE: Weirdness continues. Last night she came over for dinner per our agreement. I almost feel like I can't breathe. I need some space from her I think.
We had a bottle of wine before dinner (neither of us can drink). She became talkative but also very defensive and offensive. Weird. She was upset at some changes I've made to the yard ( planted a few plants) and some of the changes in the bedroom (she took the tv, so I put a plant where it was). She was reading into things (paying hyper close attention to every word - dangerous) and thought I was excluding her from a project for my daughter where we have to put some pictures together for her upcoming confirmation. I assured her on both counts that it's not what she's saying, but she didn't really want to hear that. She mentioned that her brother thought I looked gaunt and said that she told him it was just stress and that I could blame her for that too. I told her I don't blame her and I haven't lost much weight. Nothing to worry about.
Later, on the patio she started telling me that she wished her husband had the stones to be the one to leave. I assured her that her husband has great big stones. She didn't want to hear that either. It wasn't rough conversation, but playful conversation mostly. She wants to take the kids to the museum this weekend, but was concerned because originally she was going to be out of town at a conference but canceled it. She was worried because it is "my" weekend with the kids and she wasn't sure how that would play out. She asked if I wanted to go as well (I'm thinking it may be because she wants to spend time with the kids but feels guilty not inviting me; too much thought on my part I think).
We watched a couple of favorite shows after dinner with the kids and when she left I sent her home with some leftovers.
She seems to have a heavy heart. I suspect she feels really guilty about leaving the kids. I'm not sure her feelings towards me, but cautious comes to mind.
I still need some space
Later, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Decided to come over and check out your sitch after reading your posts to MB for a while. Then I see others in here and start to notice something: Why does it seem like a lot of us on here are is 37/38!!! Strange! Or maybe not?
Reading your sitch sounds almost like reading someone else describing mine but about a year later. I received my ILYBNILWY in 10/07. We separated in late June 08 and we are still in a S. I did not read back in your previous threads, but I did not see anything that pointed to OM being involved, so it really comes down to your W trying to find her balance, same as my W.
W coming over for dinner, W taking home leftovers, W being depressed, W being selfish for career goals (and feeling guilty about that). Man! Sounds like my W exactly! I also see a lot of my thoughts in your posts about your feelings.
I don't want to discourage you, but I'm still here and a little over 1 month shy of a full year of S. W never made our S legal, W never made steps towards a D, just wanted a "break" from continually feeling like she dissappints me by not being "in love" with me anymore. We have now seen our MC again after 9 months and W seems to realize that she has some things she needs to work through. W also seems to realize that I realized I had to make some changes and I did over the past year. W looks forward to and asks about doing things together with the family and just with me. All this to say that these types of things can take a quite a bit of time to work through. In my case, W is keeping herself overwhelmingly busy with her business, which to me (and some good friends) just comes across as trying to avoid having to work on yourself. She's slowly getting better about that though and I do feel like we are heading in the right direction. In your case, your W does seem to be giving things a lot of thought, so things might change a little quicker than in my sitch. All in all, reading this thread did give me the impression that your M is far from over. You both have had some good discussion on what you want from a R, it's the balance between independent and dependent that's off (what I feel is the problem in my M as well).
Keep going! You are in a good mindset and have a good approach!
Thanks Sam. I wish I was always in a good mindset.
One thing that is pretty helpful is that she insists that MC is the right thing to do. That she doesn't want to have regrets. That she used to want the divorce but now is trying to figure out what she wants (progress). The fly in the ointment of her perfect and controlled life is of course me. I realize she is controlling things (in her mind). She is trying to paint the picture and make it perfect.
I'm not complaining though. I had three goals: 1) her to heal, 2) her to spend more quality time with the kids and 3) her to come back to the marriage.
In reality, I'm seeing the first two goals realized. We're not at the third yet, but that may not be her choice before too much longer. I'm struggling with my feelings and understand that I do not need her to be happy. I want her in my life, but I'm struggling to figure out how I want her in my life. That's what I need the time for. To figure that out.
<shrugs> Oh well. I'm going on a date with her tonight. Maybe we can start something again. Or maybe I can figure out that I don't want her to be married to me anymore and I do not want to be used any longer. Or maybe I can just have a nice, quiet dinner with a pretty lady
No matter. Today is busy. Lots to do. Will be back tomorrow.
Thanks Sam. I appreciate the encouragement. God knows I could use it every day.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
